Will you be my Facebook Friend? by Tim Chester

Will you Be My Facebook Friend?

by Tim Chester

This book was first published in 2013. It is 60 pages in length. The back cover outline reads as follows:

"In just a few years social media has gone from nothing to become a major feature of modern life. 97% of people aged between 16 and 65 with Internet access have used a social network over the past month. That's virtually all of us.

There is much that is good about this ... social networking brings many benefits .. but what about the dangers? Image, identity, idolatry and self-promotion are just some of the challenges that social networking can present. Dr Tim Chester looks at these issues pastorally and biblically, in his usual clear and candid manner. He asks pertinent questions to help us tackle them head-on."

There are 4 chapters in this book:

• What's the problem?
• Recreating My World
• Escaping My Limitations
• The Face Book of God

Plus 12 guidelines for Social Networking

Initially Tim looks at the benefits of Social Media, namely 

• enabling people to keep in touch over long distances particularly for families and missionaries asking for urgent prayer requests
• the message of Jesus can go into countries where missionaries cannot readily go or to reinforce the work of missionaries on the ground
• people are able readily to organize events or arrange meetings
• texting ahead to let someone know we are running late
• checking football scores when out
• reading the bible on the commute
• hearing about good resources through a blog or receiving an encouraging Tweet

Then he looks at the dangers which are more hidden. It readily gets perverted by our sin and used for selfish ends.

"The medium is the message" Marshall McLuhan 

The technology we use to express our thoughts actually changes those thoughts. It changes what we think is important.

The combination of Google and smart phones mean we access information whenever we like and this is changing our attitude to ideas.

Facebook's product is you. You are its product, delivered in large quantities to advertisers. The medium is designed to keep you constantly surfing, constantly skimming, constantly clicking. And this is reducing our ability to concentrate. Technology makes us more efficient. And efficiency is good. But only in some contexts. All these things are just the symptoms. The real issue is this - why do people spend so much time on Facebook? Why do they feel the need to check and recheck their social media? What does it do for them? What does it offer?

We need to see how Christ offers more. It is the grace of God that leads to self-control - Titus 2 verses 11 and 12. Christ more than meets the needs that social media appears to satisfy for us. When we grasp the goodness of Christ then the focus of change is not on us, but on him, and any change brings him glory rather than us.

In the case of social media we also need to look at why some people find using it so compulsive, because some of us may not be convinced we need saving from it! Why give up something I think is good? The problem is that their dominance in some of our lives may be a sign that we are turning to them when we should be turning to God. We are not going to give up something we find good until we recognise that something better is on offer.

So the key question is: why? This enables us to make the gospel the answer. For countless people, using Facebook is not a problem. For many it is all blessing. But there are dangers in social networking. Tim gives us a checklist to show some possible warning signs.

• Do you check your social media more than once or twice a day?
• Do you spend more than 20 minutes a day on social media?
• Do you find it difficult to imagine a day without technology?
• Have you ever read a text or gone online during a church gathering?
• Have you stayed up beyond your normal bedtime because you were on social media or playing online games?
• Do you use your mobile phone during meals or keep it in the bedroom?

What are the dangers? What is it about social media that makes it so addictive?

The first reason many of us find social media so compulsive is that on social media I can recreate my world through my words to gain approval. The name "Facebook" suggests a place where I can show my "face" or my "image".

1. I can recreate my "Face" - Facebook allows me to create my image using my words. I type in a version of the person I want to be. I use my words to create a positive image. Or I upload pictures that portray me in a certain way, usually having a good time or looking beautiful in artistic poses. Facebook, blogs and Twitter allow us all to be celebrities with our lives on show. It blurs the public and the private. The world becomes my audience. On Facebook you do not have a conversation, you have an audience. Your life takes place on a stage and you are your own playwright, creating or recreating yourself through your words.
2. I can recreate my "Space" - Facebook, Instagram and other social networking sites enable me to have all my friends and family gathered in one place. What we cannot do in physical space, we can do in cyberspace: bring everyone together in one place. But this is my space. The genius of Facebook is that all your friends come to you and all their friends come to them. So we simultaneously all inhabit our own little worlds, each with me at the centre. These people are by definition my "chosen people". In the Bible, the "chosen people" are God's people, graciously chosen by him. When we come to faith we find ourselves part of a concrete expression of God's chosen people in our local church. God fits us together so we can grow together towards maturity in Christ (Ephesians 4 verses 11 to 16) God has chosen the people in your church so they can help you come to maturity and so you can help them come to maturity. But social media allows us to play God and create our own chosen people. And we are at the centre or this chosen circle.
3. I can find approval - I can measure myself through social media. I can rank my image through the number of my Facebook friends or Twitter followers. I can score myself through the number of "Likes" on my Facebook wall or the number of "comments" my blog post receives. These become the index of my self-worth. Or do I visual assessments by comparing photos? Notice from whom I am seeking approval - I am defined by other people's "gaze", what they make of my "face". The Bible calls this "the fear of man". Our overriding concern should be what God thinks of me. But instead my concern is what other users of social media think of me. It is their approval that matters. In contrast Paul says "Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ" (Galatians 1 verse 10). On Facebook I receive approval and I bestow approval. The result is that many people constantly check their Facebook page because this is where they receive affirmation. I recreate my image through my words. I recreate my world around me. I can find approval to justify myself. This is the salvation language. This is gospel language. Facebook - used in this way - is another gospel.

Everyone's Facebook face wears a smile - whatever the reality behind the mask. We are all spin doctors, presenting upbeat propaganda versions of our lives. 

Is your Facebook self more attractive or successful than your real-world self?

The real question is: Am I trying to do self-identity or am I finding identity in Christ? Or: Am I looking for approval from others through my words or approval from God through his gospel word?

This project of self-justification is doomed to fail because we cannot justify ourselves. The problem is for some people this failure simply spurs them on to post and repost, check and recheck.

Suppose you were told to give up all your social media or month - how would you respond? Easy? Or does that sound impossible? 

To those of us exhausted by the need to portray themselves for the approval of others, Jesus says "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11 verse 28)

The gospel of Jesus says that Jesus recreates me in the image of God and Jesus is recreating the world. God's kingdom is extended as his word is proclaimed.

Jesus recreates me - I'm not a self-made person.

Jesus recreates me in God's image - it's not about my image.

Jesus recreates the world - I'm not the saviour.

Jesus recreates God's world - it's not my world.

Jesus creates God's world with God at the centre - not me at the centre.

Jesus creates and recreates through God's word - not through my words.

It is these truths that enable me to be truly human, fit for the purpose for which I was created. And this is what liberates me from self-obsession to enjoy the goodness and grace of God. Knowing the real God is better than Facebook.

A second reason we can find social media addictive is that on social media I can escape the limitations of my body.

Our bodies limit us to a particular place and time. We can only be in one place at a time. Social media, however, promises to connect us with everyone everywhere at any time. It promises omniscience (knowing everything) and omnipresence (being everywhere). But in the real world, omniscience and omnipresence are attributes of God alone, so social media cannot deliver - not if you want real relationships and real community.

The Internet encourages us to skim read everything. Facebook extends the same idea into personal relationships. We can now do skim befriending or surface friendships.

Facebook offers intimacy without responsibility. People say things on Facebook to people or about people that they would never say if they were physically in the room with them.

Facebook offers us the ability to redefine ourselves and construct our own world without being constrained by others. But our bodies remind us that this is not our world. We literally bump into people. We collide. Our bodies remind us that we live in a world created by the words of someone else - by the words of God. And we live in a world created for someone else - for the glory of God.

Cyberspace offers an escape from the limitations of the body. And this version of "salvation by Facebook" is the latest embodiment of the ancient heresy of Gnosticism. Gnosticism saw the spiritual or mental as good and the body as evil and limiting. So salvation was an escape from the constraints of the body.

The gospel says that human beings were made by God with a body and God declared that to be good. We were made with bodies in his image to reflect his image in the world. More than that, God himself takes on human flesh when Jesus becomes a man. Christ "appeared in a body and was vindicated by the Spirit." (1 Timothy 3 verse 16). And more than that, the body of Jesus was physically raised from the dead. The resurrection of Jesus was not an escape from the body, but the redemption of the body. So the gospel encourages us to engage in embodied life and embodied relationships.

So Paul says to the Christian community in Thessalonica "we loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you have become so dear to us." (1 Thessalonians 2 verse 8) "But since we were torn away from you, brothers, for a short time, in person not in heart, we endeavoured the more eagerly and with great desire to see you face to face" (1 Thessalonians 2 verse 17). Not just words, but a shared life. Not just words, but face-to-face. Not just an online "face" but face-to-face. Not just an online presence but an embodied presence.

God has placed you together with the people in your congregation. You did not choose them, God chose them. And that diversity of personalities, backgrounds, social class and ethnicities is used by God to make you grow in Christ and to display the unifying power of the cross.

But online you are God. You choose who will be in community with you. You create your own communities of convenience that mean you are never challenged. Or, if you are challenged or relationships become costly, you can just scuttle off to new relationships. As a result we never grow. We are permanently immature.

Online no relationship is meaningful and every relationship is expendable. The result is loneliness in the midst of many Facebook "friends". 

Many struggle to do everything they want to do. But I can give you an extra hour each day! I have the secret. Think what you could do with an extra hour. What is the answer? Stop using Facebook. 

In many ways, disembodied life is easier. But it is less fulfilling, less real and less satisfying.  Embodied life is harder. But it is more fulfilling, more real, more satisfying. It is more substantial - you can touch it, feel it, embrace it!

We need to ensure we have the same preference for face-to-face communication over Facebook-to-Facebook communication. It is often said that in the struggle with sin and the struggle to make Christ known we need people who will stand with us, fight with us and die for us. We will not find such people among our Facebook friends, unless they are also face-to-face friends.

Facebook encourages you to live elsewhere. The gospel encourages you to live life here and now.

Am I using Facebook to enhance real-world friendships or to replace them?

The Face Book of God

For many people, using Facebook is not a problem. For many it is all blessing.

But there are dangers in social networking. And to those who face those dangers, the gospel provides a better and richer alternative.

Facebook is the place where I show my face or my image. For some it is the place were they recreate their image and their world through their words. The gospel is the place where God turns "his face towards us" (Numbers 6 verse 26). It is the place where he recreates us in his image and recreates his word through his words.

2 Corinthians 3 verse 18 "And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

Through Facebook you can show your face or image to the world.  Through the gospel we see the face of God, the glory of God. And when we see it, we radiate that glory just as Moses did long ago when he saw God on Mount Sinai. Through the gospel we can reflect the glory of God to the world.

Through Facebook we can recreate ourselves. We can recreate our own identity to win the approval of other people. Through the gospel God recreates us in the image of Jesus. Jesus makes us approved by God. And we are being transformed into the likeness of Jesus with ever-increasing glory. Look at your Facebook page: Do you really want this more than the glory of God?

Remember the medium is the message and Facebook was designed by a teenage nerd. It reduces your lie to the preoccupations of a student nerd. You are encouraged to fill in your relationship status because students define themselves by their "availability". The medium encourages you to express your personality through lists of books, movies, TV programmes. This is what nerdy students do. You can give your time to this - or to being transformed into Christ's likeness with ever-increasing glory.

2 Corinthians 4 verse 5 "For we do not preach ourselves but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake."

Through Facebook we can promote ourselves. We gain friends. Or we gain followers through Twitter. We engage in self-evangelism. Through the gospel we promote Jesus as Lord. We gain followers for Jesus.

2 Corinthians 4 verse 6 "For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness" made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge  of the glory of God in the face of Christ."

Through Facebook we recreate our world through our words. Day after day, endless words, pour out as we try to create an image of ourselves that others will approve. And God speaks 4 words "Let there be light". 2 words in Hebrew. And there is light. God speaks and the universe comes into being. This physical, substantial, real universe. the kind of universe you can hit with your hand and it hurts because it is really there.

Through Facebook we reveal our "face" and look at the "faces" of other people. Through the gospel we see the face of God. The Bible is the true Facebook, the book in which we see God's face. Prayer is the ultimate instant messaging. The church is the real social network. The gospel is the place where we see "the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ."

Seeking God's Face

Think about what you have written and read on your Facebook wall this week. Think about the tweets you have followed. Imagine reading them in 6 months time. I suspect that much of what is written will be drivel.

A voice says, 'Cry out.' And I said, 'what shall I cry?' 'All men are like grass and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever."  Isaiah 40 verses 6 to 8