Unloved by Elyse M Fitzpatrick - the story of Sarah

 

UNLOVED

by Elyse M Fitzpatrick

Chapter 3 - Too wonderful to Believe

Sarah is important to both the Old and New Testament church. Aside from her story in Genesis, she is also mentioned in Isaiah, Romans and Hebrews. In fact, Peter holds her up as a woman to emulate and even calls her our spiritual mother - 1 Peter 3 verse 6. Judging from this reputation, you might assume she lived an exemplary life and earned an A in meritocracy. It would also be easy to assume that a woman so respected would certainly have had a great marriage and if perhaps not exactly perfect would have experienced all the blessings of living in faith. Right? Well, yes, she was blessed. But not, perhaps, in the ways we would expect.

The Backstory

Around 1900 BC years before the birth of Jesus, Abraham and Sarah lived in Mesopotamia (likely modern-day Iraq). They lived with Abraham's grandfather, Nahor, who was the father of Terah. Terah had 3 sons: Abraham, Nahor (named after the family patriarch) and Haran. As it was quite common in those days for cousins and even half-siblings to marry, Nahor married Milcah, his cousin and Abraham married Sarah, his half-sister. Sarah was the daughter of Abraham's father, Terah but by a different mother. Marrying within one's family was beneficial for many reasons, because together they could pool wealth, share labour and protect the family.

Abraham and Sarah's marriage would undoubtedly seem shocking to us for another reason. Abraham was 10 years older than his sister-wife, Sarah, and she was probably just entering into puberty when they married, so she was perhaps 14 or so. This sounds offensive to our modern sensibilities, but, due to the dangers of life during that time and the purpose of marriage, which was to build up the family's mutual wealth, status, and might, this was culturally acceptable.

Although it is possible that Sarah loved Abraham as her older brother and was willing to become his sister-wife (though she probably didn't have much choice in the matter), we should resist the modern impulse to turn their relationship into a romance novel. They were far more focused on survival than romance. The family meant everything to them - not just because they had affection for their relatives, but because without the security and safety of the family, they would face destitution and probable death.

When Abraham was 75 and Sarah was 65, the Lord called Abraham, an idol worshipper to journey farther on to the land of Canaan. Then we are told that Sarah "was unable to conceive; she did not have a child" (Genesis 11 verse 30). While childlessness is indeed a heartbreak many experience today, in that time it was far more so. Because the primary reason for marriage was to strengthen the family. Sarah's inability to conceive was more than a personal sadness for her and Abraham. It was tantamount to failure to fulfil her responsibilities. Sarah had one job: to furnish the family with sons who would carry on the clan's name and labour in it.

The Promised Blessing

But then the Lord made a shocking promise to Abraham:

"Go from your land, your relatives, and your father's house to the land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation, I will bless you, I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, I will curse anyone who treats you with contempt, and all the peoples on earth will be blessed through you. " (Genesis 12 verses 1 to 3)

That's an outrageous promise. Especially when you consider that the couple who received it was not only childless but also aged. It's also a restatement of one that was originally given to Adam and Eve around 2000 years earlier (Genesis 3 verse 15): a son was coming who would bless many people and defeat God's enemies. But notice: this later promise is spoken to Abraham alone. In fact, in the original text, it's spoken solely to him - we don't hear anything about the Lord speaking directly to Sarah for many years. We don't even know whether Abraham told Sarah about it. Get the picture: God promised a 75 year old man a child. And his 65 year old sister wife hadn't been able to conceive. Certainly, this was a bleak situation to speak a promise of life into, but it was about to get worse.

Despite all this hopelessness, Abraham obeyed God and travelled to Canaan while awaiting the fulfilment of God's promise. But then a severe famine hit. So, Abraham decided to journey down to Egypt to get food. There he realised he had another problem: his wife was as beautiful as she was barren, and that endangered him because the Egyptians commonly seized pretty women for Pharaoh's harem. So, before crossing over into Egypt he said to Sarah, "Look I know what a beautiful woman you are. When the Egyptians see you, they will say, This is his wife". They will kill me but let you live. Please say you're my sister so it will go well for me because of you, and my life will be spared on your account." (Genesis 12 verses 11 and 13)

Abraham's Betrayal

Have you ever wondered about Abraham's betrayal? How could a man who loved his wife, his sister, sell her into the harem of a foreign king? Perhaps his action reveals his attitude toward her. Sure, she was beautiful but what did that beauty matter to him when she had failed in her responsibility to the family? His words to her are pretty much a command in common parlance, we might translate him as saying, "Listen up!" We don't hear Sarahs response but it's not as though she had any choice in the matter. She knew she was useless and it really didn't matter whether God had made a promise to Abraham or not. It certainly didn't concern her. Perhaps she thought that going willingly into Pharaoh's harem was the least she could do to spare the patriarch from suffering violence on her account. So, she did.  

The bible does not say she was protected from Pharaoh's use of her. In fact, Pharaoh himself said, "I took (seized, married or acquired) her as my wife" (Genesis 12 verse 19). It's hard to read this story, including all the riches Pharaoh showered on Abraham for his use of Sarah (Genesis 12 verse 16) without concluding that, in essence, Abraham pimped her out to Pharaoh. While the Lord eventually delivered her by afflicting Pharaoh's household, this didn't happen overnight. We don't know how long Sarah was in Pharaoh's harem, but it was long enough for God's judgment to be recognized by him. Again, I want you to get the picture at this point the relationship between Abraham and Sarah was simply one of habit, convenience and convention. She was expendable. Perhaps he was even glad to be rid of her; maybe he thought of her as the reason of God's promise hadn't been fulfilled. She stood in the way of his receiving the promised blessing. All that ultimately mattered to Abraham was the endurance of the clan and the fulfilment of God's promise. Sarah was useless. She was unloved. Nothing aside from motherhood would vindicate her, and that wasn't something she could produce.

Despite Abraham's faithlessness, Sarah was beloved by God. He hadn't forgotten her. she was valued and cherished. So, he fought for her, and she was eventually released from Pharaoh's harem. Despite all Abraham's bad behaviour, once again God renewed his covenant with him, even though he still failed to really believe the promise. Relying on his own plans to achieve God's promise, Abraham suggested that a home-born slave, Eliezer would suffice. In response, the Lord promised, "One who comes from your own body will be your heir" (Genesis 15 verse 4). At last, it seems that Abraham did believe, at least for a moment because the Lord "credited it to him as righteousness" (Genesis 15 verse 6) Abraham is justified or declared righteous not because he was able to produce offspring, or even because he was such a stellar example of a godly husband. He was declared righteous because he believed in God's promises.

Here's another picture of the good news: Abraham was a broken sinner who was counted as a righteous person because he believed in God's good promise that, through him, there would be a son born who would bless the whole world. Thank God! Abraham's righteousness came to him by faith alone, the same way ours comes to us. Abraham is judged or counted as righteous solely because he trusted God's promise. It was Abraham's belief alone, not his obedience or faithful actions (where were they?), that caused him to earn the reputation of righteous in God's eyes. When we think about our own salvation, we see that it, too, is all of grace.

Sarah's Scheme

At last we hear Sarah's voice, though what we hear is heart breaking, "Since the Lord has prevented me from bearing children, go to my slave; perhaps through her I can build a family." (Genesis 16 verse 2)

It has been 10 years since the original promise of a son had been given to Abraham. 10 years. Sarah was now 75 years old, and her situation was even more hopeless. She had no value in her husband-brother's eyes. She was desperate. she had no way to earn respect and love. She could not justify herself in her own eyes or the eyes of the clan. That Abraham didn't love her had been made blatantly clear. So, she looked at her Egyptian slave and thought, Maybe I can fulfil my responsibilities and be vindicated through her, I certainly paid dearly enough enough for her.

I've often heard Sarah maligned for giving Hagar to Abraham. But her hopelessness didn't differ much from Abraham's. He didn't believe God would protect him. He didn't think Sarah could conceive. He thought she was worthless and couldn't see how she would be a part of God's plan, which is why he looked at his servant/slave Eliezer and thought, This is how I will make it work. Sarah looked at her servant/slave Hagar and assumed the same thing; that she must come up with a plan to fulfil God's impossible promise. The Lord was quick to reject Abraham's plan, but Sarah was allowed to put hers into action, at least for a season.

During Abraham's time, it was very common for patriarchs, especially childless ones, to take co-wives, concubines or even female slaves to produce heirs. So, Sarah gave Hagar to her husband in her quest for vindication, but her desires were thwarted once again. As we so often do, Sarah was still trying to earn God's love and promise, when he was offering both as a gift. She just needed to wait. But waiting is so hard, isn't it?

Hagar did indeed conceive, but when she discovered she was pregnant, she treated Sarah with contempt. For Sarah, this was just the last straw. Listen to how she spoke to Abraham: "You are responsible for my suffering! I put my slave in your arms, and when she saw that she was pregnant, I became contemptible to her. May the Lord judge between me and you." (Genesis 16 verse 5)

Think about Sarah's words: "You are responsible for my suffering! ... May the Lord judge between me and you." Sarah was filled with wrath. In fact, she sounded like an abused woman. She blamed Abraham for her suffering. He might have gone along with her plan, but he still failed to treat her with love and respect. To make matters worse, his attitude toward her was now being mimicked by his lover, her slave.

Although her wrath might seem like an overreaction, to understand this story from Sarah's perspective, we might consider the things she had suffered and for how long. She was ashamed and humiliated. Everyone knew what Abraham thought of her. Now, an Egyptian slave of all people was mocking her. She had become contemptible, "slight, trifling of little account," to Hagar. For Sarah, this was the last straw. when women who have suffered abuse for years finally speak, it's frequently in very strong, almost offensive language. This doesn't excuse unkind actions, it simply makes them more understandable. Like them, Sarah had been humiliated one too many times. Her husband had humiliated her. Pharaoh humiliated her. Her barrenness had mocked her empty womb. And now this Egyptian slave had joined them. Sarah's shame and rage had been building up for decades. So, she challenged the Lord to decide between them. Who was in the wrong? In sin and grief, Sarah poured out on Hagar all her pent-up wrath, treating her so abusively that Hagar eventually ran away.

The God who Sees and Blesses

Later, after Hagar returned, the child was born, and he is described as "Abraham's" son, not Sarah's (or even Hagar's), as he should have been. Abraham accepted Ishmael as the child of promise, and the door of hope was slammed shut in Sarah's face. She continued to view herself as useless baggage, and Abraham thought he could fulfil God's promise without her.

13 years later, God again appeared to Abram and changed his name to Abraham, declaring that he had already made him the "father of many nations" (Genesis 17 verse 5). But now for the first time, Sarah was included too, "I will bless her" God declared (17 verse 16). The Lord changed Sarai's name to Sarah, and he gave her a new identity too. She would not be the same person she had been. She would be blessed of God: "I will bless her indeed, I will give you a son by her: I will bless her and she will produce nations; kings of peoples will come from her" (17 verse 16). The first words we hear directly spoken by the Lord about Sarah are words of blessing: "I will bless her ... I will bless her." Notice that God pronounced blessing on her twice. Remember how Sarah had been described before? Twice her barrenness was declared . Now, twice, God promised her blessing. The childless woman would be blessed. The barren woman would be the mother of nations.

Even though she was hidden away in the tent, Sarah was seen by the Lord. "Where is your wife Sarah?" asked the Lord (Genesis 18 verse 9). It's not as though he didn't know where she was. It was rather that he wanted her to know that her days of being invisible and unseen were over. I see her, and I will bless her. Sarah heard these words but couldn't believe them. Sarah laughed to herself, saying "After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I have delight?" (18 verse 12).  In her unbelief, she spoke like an abused woman. Then God posed a question: "Is anything too hard for the Lord?" (18 verse 14) The word that's translated "hard" here actually means "marvellous" or "wonderful". The Lord is saying that his way is better than Sarah can even imagine. He is wonderfully powerful. He is the marvellous God who can bring to life lifeless wombs. After decades of hopelessness and denigration, it is not surprising that Sarah laughed in unbelief. In fact, it would have been surprising if she hadn't. Perhaps we should remember her history and give her more grace when remembering this part of her story.

Even though God made it clear that he saw and valued Sarah, Abraham sold her into the hand of another pagan king Abimelech. But this time, God intervened, vindicating her by declaring her worth and beloved status. He protected her when Abraham wouldn't. Once Abimelech realised she was Abraham's wife, he spoke to Sarah, "I am giving your brother 1000 pieces of silver. It is a verification of your honour to all who are with you. You are fully vindicated" (Genesis 20 verse 16). Such beautiful words, though spoken by a pagan king. Sarah was vindicated. The words she had longed to hear her entire life were not spoken to her by her husband but by a pagan king. Before she had proven her worth to her husband and family by birthing a son, before she had fulfilled any of her obligations, she was freely justified by God's gracious gift. She was told, "You are fully vindicated," freed from the disdain and disrespect of any who might question her worth.

The good news of the gospel is that those words are for us too. No one, not even the one who accuses Christ's brothers and sisters, has any voice left. He has been thrown down (Revelation 12 verse 10). Remember that Christ, the one who lived our life with and for us, will never accuse us. We are vindicated by faith alone even though many times our faith is nearly nonexistent. But even if it is the size of a mustard seed, it is enough. You are vindicated. Counted righteous. Beloved. "The Lord came to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised to do. Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham ... Abraham named his son who was born to him - the one Sarah bore to him - Isaac ... Sarah said, "God has made me laugh, and everyone who hears will laugh with me ... Yet I have borne a son for him in his old age" (Genesis 21 verses 1 to 3, 6 and 7)

Sarah was finally vindicated and Abraham was justified, too, but that doesn't mean either one of them was sinless. Just when she thought it would be impossible to laugh with joy instead of hopelessness, God surprised Sarah. In time though, Sarah's laughter turned again to rage as she exiled Hagar and her son for laughing at Isaac's weaning. Sarah's story shows us how often we are both the abused and the abuser, the rejected and the rejector. We are all such broken people. Broken but beloved. 

The Joy of Vindication

We don't hear anything more about Sarah until her death. We don't know what she thought about the test of Abraham and Isaac. But there is one thing we do know. We know that at her death Abraham "mourn(s)" and "weep(s)" for her (Genesis 23 verse 1).  It's the only time we hear that Abraham mourned anything. And her grave was the only plot of land that Abraham ever owned in the Promised Land (chapter 23 verses 19 and 20). Finally, after her death, we see Sarah as beloved in the eyes of her brother-husband. But more importantly, she was beloved in the eyes of her Lord. She lived as the unloved one, but finally she was vindicated. Finally, she discovered her belovedness.

Scripture teaches us that Jesus entered into every trial and temptation that Sarah, Abraham and we share (Hebrews 2 verse 14). Like us, he knows what it's like to be thought of as nothing: he had no honour in his own hometown. He knows what it's like to be looked down on, as he was pejoratively called a "carpenter's" son, a son of Belial. Where is his reward for perfect obedience to the law? Although he was called beloved by his Father several times in his life, he was empty, fruitless, powerless, and alone on Calvary. This is where he and Sarah, and all of us, share the same experience: in this sin-cursed world we feel alone, exiled and forsaken. we join him in his cry: "Why am I forsaken?" Unlike the perfect Son of God, of course, we know that our aloneness is in part because of our own sin and the sins of others against us. Abraham sold Sarah into a harem to protect himself. But Jesus was sold to a Roman cross because of our fruitlessness, our failures and of course, ultimately for the protection of his clan, his family. His death protected the survival of his clan, his family (John 11 verses 49 and 50).

Our Better Brother-husband

Jesus is the betrayed and forsaken one. He is our righteous Brother-Husband who stepped into danger and death to protect his beautiful, beloved and barren one. He protects us from slavish captivity to Satan. We are all looking for a righteous Brother-Husband, even for those of us who have good marriages, our spouses are unable to fully live up to that perfect ideal. Jesus is the only Saviour we need. Jesus is our perfect, brave, loving Brother-Husband, And he's here to stay. When Sarah said to her husband, Abraham, "You are responsible for my suffering" she was speaking the every words that Jesus could say to us. But he didn't. He absorbed all the disrespect and accusations hurled at him and was silent before his attackers. He overcame their hatred out of righteous love.

It's easy to look at the life of Sarah and miss the heartaches she suffered, or to just focus on the anger or unbelief she displayed. We need to remember that she was abandoned, betrayed and humiliated. She had clawed her way through decades of unfulfilled dreams and deep disrespect and danger. Even so, the apostle Peter showcases her as the example of a godly, courageous woman: "For in the past, the holy women who put their hope in God also adorned themselves in this way, submitting to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord You have become her children when you do what is good and do not fear any intimidation" (1 Peter 3 verses 5 and 6).

This testimony about Abraham and Sarah's life teaches us that when God vindicates and justifies us, our vindication is complete. we can hope in God, even when it seems as though all our hopes and plans have disintegrated before our eyes. Sarah is held forth as an example of holiness and faith. Think of that and let it comfort you. No matter how you have failed or even continue to, if you have been vindicated by the perfect life, death and resurrection of Jesus, you are called a holy man or woman by faith.

Even amid our troubles, we have no reason to doubt God's love. We can be assured that we are beloved even when we've been betrayed, as Sarah was. Jesus, our faithful Brother-Husband, is the ultimate one who was abandoned and betrayed. He did this for us so that we would rest in the assurance that we'll always be cherished No matter our circumstances, we can know that God sees and values us.

As we think about Sarah's story we must remember the question the Lord asked her: "Is anything impossible (too wonderful, too marvellous) for the Lord?" (Genesis 18 verse 14) And we can remember another time when similar words were spoken to Mary, whose pregnancy was just as impossible as Sarah's (Luke 1 verse 37).