She Needs by Nay Dawson

 

She Needs

By Nay Dawson

This book challenged my perception of the role of women in the church.  From an early age it was clear in my church the role of women was one of teaching the young, playing the organ, maybe speaking at womens' meetings and of course providing the necessary catering for social events.  it always made me question - women can teach the future members of the church and men the present members?  Naomi constantly emphasises that she hopes this book will open up the conversation between women and leaders of the local church about the role of women.  However I was challenged - would I be prepared to share this book with them first of all?  That made me think - what actually am I afraid of?  Of being told like William Carey to "sit down" when he wanted to take Jesus' gospel to the people of India.  His leaders went on "when God is pleased to convert the heathen he will do it without your aid or mine."  Would my leaders say the same as regards using women to evangelise or teach others within the church?  When I first received this book I read it or rather devoured it within a few hours and was constantly finding myself saying 'Amen' to things written as so often Naomi's perceptions and experiences are something I have also experienced time and time again.  This is a book every women should read if only to realise that we need one thing and one thing only - confidence to know God's will and purpose for their future role within the church.  I really pray as Naomi says that this book will open up discussion and be used to extend God's kingdom here on earth and his mission within the wider church.  Since January this year I have established a local book club and it has been interesting to see people come together to share in reading and discussing Christian books.  Some of our members would not class themselves as readers but within a group setting they have really opened up and shared how the Group has broadened their outlook and understanding of what it means to follow Christ for themselves.  Books have helped them in their personal walk of faith and developed an interest they would never have had before.  As we restart in September we are praying that more people will become members and enjoy fellowship together exploring issues relevant and applicable to living for Christ.

 

Introduction

So often when I read books I am looking for the biblical element in the pages. And Nay does not disappoint in her introduction in this book.

 

She looks at Jesus and his attitude to women in his day. Jesus went against the normal in many ways in his society. "Jesus talks a lot about women, he spends time with them and he had a crucial and indispensable role for them in his mission."

Jesus' first and some of his last appearances were to women.

Jesus discussed theology with women - think of the woman at the well in John 4.

Jesus spent time with women - Luke 8. In fact women probably supported Jesus' ministry in both a practical and financial way.

Jesus gave women a voice - the woman at the tomb were told to go and tell the disciples Jesus had risen.

As a woman my contribution to the world matters. My gifts matter. Just thinking of the women at the well - Jesus needed to go out of his way to meet and talk with this woman. He knew when she would come to the well and that she could turn an entire community to Christ.

"Jesus values, dignifies and has a role for women."

In Paul's letter to the Romans and chapter 12 we are instructed (men and women) to work together as the body which is the church of Jesus. We all have a role, service, gifts and abilities to be used for God's work and it must be done together.

"Many women do noble things but you surpass them all." Proverbs 31 verse 29

Chapter 1

In her opening chapter titled "She doesn't feel good enough to serve in your church", Nay raises a couple of interesting thoughts.

First - if women were at the front of our church say leading a meeting, giving a testimony; presenting a talk or bible study would this encourage more women to participate themselves? Would this provide the needed confidence? I have grown up in churches where a "it is not allowed" attitude prevails. There are definite roles for women. In women's meetings it's acceptable for women to do all of the above but not in a mixed meeting when both men and women are present. Women in such situations are expected to play the piano or sing in the choir, teach Sunday School and the inevitable providing catering.

The second thought - "it's not as simple as inviting women to get involved. We need to offer mentoring, training and feedback along the way." I had to ask myself the question - from whom - men? What about men - when is such training given to them or expected to be given? Quite often I have seen men told to lead in meetings, bible studies with no mentoring, training and feedback and that is acceptable? Why? Because they have the confidence in themselves and they don't care about how they present themselves. Sometimes I have seen men put in such positions and they are definitely not suited for such a position or situation.

There is much food for thought here.

 

Another aspect of this book by Nay Dawson is that there are discussion questions at the end of each chapter. I know these will help readers to not only think through the issues raised but also in their application within their own church situations.

The research in this book reflects Nay's passion for the subject matter but as she says at the top of chapter 1's discussion question "these chapters are written to start a conversation. My hope is that, together, women and their leaders will read, listen and discuss a way forward." My response is simple - would I as a woman be prepared to share this with (male) leaders in local churches? Would I be 'confident' to do this? Would I receive a put down as a result or have a conversation just to be appeased for the sake of saying they have participated? Would anything come of such a conversation? Now there's the challenge

 

As I finish reading this book for a second time I am struck time and again how Nay sets out the biblical examples and proof of what we need to take on board. It is always good to go back to the bible and see what it says. For instance ...

She quotes the example of Priscilla, Aquilla and Apollos in Acts 18. I never really thought about why Priscilla is named first before her husband but she was actually the more intelligent and devoted of the two. They took Apollos aside to teach him the truth of the Christian message. They recognised he needed more teaching. No-one else in the church did it - I wonder was it Priscilla who realised first what Apollos needed?

Think of the story of Ruth and Naomi. Ruth risked everything in her commitment to Naomi, her mother-in-law. She saw something in her that she wanted herself. She was not from God's family yet recognised truth in Naomi.

Mary and Jesus in Luke 10. Mary sat and listened to Jesus as he taught in the house to everyone. Custom was she should have been serving as a woman but she wanted to learn the truth from Jesus.

Romans 16, one of my favourite passages of scripture depicts the house churches in Rome thriving despite the government of the day. Read the list and you will find men and women working together for the furtherance of the gospel. Their names are recorded - why? Because Paul was commending them for their service and they were risking their lives together.

Jesus and the Samaritan woman in John 4. Jesus discussed theology with a questionable woman.

Timothy and his mother Eunice and grandmother Lois. Both women taught Timothy as he was growing up.

Throughout Jesus' ministry there were many women who gave general, regular financial provision out of their own means to Jesus and the disciples. They heard and seen all that Jesus did, were witnesses of the truth and miracles.

INSTAGRAM POSTINGS 

25/9/2024

As I read the Introduction to this book She Needs by Nay Dawson something caught my eye - just a few words that Nay expressed from her own opinion - "I'd begun to think that women didn't really matter in God's mission."

Do women matter in God's mission?  That led me to think about this question - "what is God's mission?" Is it to bring people to a realisation of who God is, that he has sent his Son Jesus into the world to die for our sins?  I always would have said this was God's mission for all of us, male and female.  I long to see family and friends come to know Christ personally and I know I will be disappointed if I reach heaven one day and they are not present.  That is what drives me on.  I may not be able to put into words the faith that I cling to but my prayer is that my life displays Christ.  I am as I posted yesterday not perfect and will get it wrong but that is part of all our lives - none of us is perfect, not yet at least!

So if you are reading this and are a woman - do you feel you matter in God's mission?  And if you are a man - do you think you are any more important or capable of fulfilling God's mission on earth?

Personally I never ever have thought myself good enough in any of the opportunities given to me publicly to help spread God's word and mission here on earth but you know what ... it's not about me!  It's how God uses what I do to bring about his work here on earth.  He uses his Holy Spirit to speak into people's lives.

Recently I have been reading the story of Jennifer Rees Larcombe and she told a fantastic story of a child who had been sent to a family during the war to get away from the bombs.  40 years later that child returned to see the house she had spent her years growing up in.  The couple who looked after her immediately realised it was her and told her they had been praying all those years.  This child/adult had recently come to faith in Christ and Jennifer realised that it was because of those prayers.  No church, no scripture, no personal witness, just simple prayers.

We don't know how or what God uses to extend his mission but one day we will find out!

The amazing thing about reading books like She Needs by Nay Dawson is how they draw you back to scripture.  In the Introduction Nay thinks about how Jesus talks a lot about women, he spent time with women and he has a crucial and indispensable role for women in his mission.  Jesus valued women!

Nay gives so many examples of this from the gospels but then focuses in on one particular woman whose story is found in John's gospel - the woman of Samaria.  As I read this book earlier I had put in the following note ...

Jesus made a point of going to meet this Samaritan woman.

Jesus knew she could turn an entire community to himself.

Of all the women in the world Jesus could have met that day.  Scripture clearly says "he must needs go through Samaria" (John 4 verse 4). This was a divine appointment and you know Jesus was so very tired, hungry and thirsty but it didn't stop him from speaking to this woman.  She was coming to the well at a time when she knew no-one would be there and no-one would see her.  Jesus asked for the one thing he needed but rather she needed more than he did.  At the end of the conversation the woman left her waterpot and ran to tell everyone in the nearby city that she had met Christ - "come see a man which told me all things that ever I did, is not this the Christ?" I love how later we read "And many of the Samaritans of that city believed on him for the saying of the woman, which testified, He told me all that ever I did."

Imagine - as a woman I could be used by God to tell others about him.  The challenge is then ... will I do it?  Will I use the talents I have to speak to someone about Christ.  Notice it was to the men that this woman went first to tell them about Jesus, not the women.

In another section of the Introduction, Nay turns to Romans 12.  This is the apostle Paul writing, that very devout Jew who was determined to destroy all Christians but one day on the roadside he met the Lord, heard him speak directly and as a result was changed so dramatically.  Paul opens this chapter by addressing it to brothers and sisters.  He wants them all to work and serve together as members of one body, each of them belonging to one another.  I love the imagery here - we all need the different parts of our body to work together to function on a day by day basis.  So too within the church we need men and women working together. 

To be honest I have always been taught that men and women do work together in the church - men do the pastoring, eldership and leadership while women do the other bits including playing the organ and making the tea.  And I have been quite content with that.  Nay's book questions if this is really the way we expect everyone to grow, use and flourish in individual gifts - or are we stifling and causing confusion?

Can a woman be an evangelist?  As I asked myself that question I thought of 2 women in particular who certainly used their gifts and abilities in the early church - and they were business women of some standing.  I thought of Lydia "whose heart the Lord opened". She was a seller of purple and her business resulted in a great deal of travelling.  She opened her home to the apostles as well as the jailer in Philippi and probably started a house church.  I also thought of Phebe in Romans 16.  Paul entrusted this woman, probably a business woman, to take the letter to all those gathered in Rome.  There were many small house churches meeting throughout the city and Phebe knew exactly where they were.  As she knocked and was admitted to each house she read Paul's words to everyone gathered, both male and female.  She had to know what was in those scrolls and understand what it meant before she could stand before everyone.  Both women were evangelists and I believe women can do the same today.

In the first chapter of She Needs Nay returns to the idea of the body as found in 1 Corinthians 12.  This is a key metaphor for the church. 

"A body is made up of many parts yet each is different.  Each part is given gifts by the Spirit to build up the Church.  Each part is not just welcomed, but essential.  Each part is sure of their purpose and convinced of their value."

Nay asks us to imagine a church full of people with diverse gifts, celebrating and encouraging each other and working alongside each other as brothers and sisters in Christ.  Reality?  Not for me!  I am afraid I have done exactly as Nay has said - I have turned to other places to be able to fulfil my ministry in Christ and continue to do that today.  Why is that?  Because I am scared - for myself, for the leaders and for those listening.  I lack confidence - that is what Nay talks about in her introduction.  And I would never volunteer.  Instead I would wait until I was asked to do something and invariably I would do things out of a sense of guilt - guilt at no-one else being prepared to do it and also because it needs done so I just get on with it.  I have cringed at times when a male has had more confidence than myself and offered to teach a lesson to children.  Why?  Because I have heard them previously and prayed that they did not do it again!  Their style and technique just was not winning the children to listen never mind accept what was being taught.  But ... who am I to judge?  God can use even the weakest vessels and seemingly incompetent ... and I am both! 

Do I honestly feel good enough or skilled enough for God to use me?  No.

I am part of the body and God can use my feeble attempts to tell others the good news of the gospel.  He can also use you!

18/9/24 - Review for Passion for Evangelism Book Club

As I read this first chapter I found myself asking – is this true?  Do I feel that I need to be 100% perfect or competent before I will offer myself in a voluntary position within my church?  The examples given of “perfection” really challenged my perception and one in particular – Matt who referred to his child lacking confidence.  I believe this is true of many young people particularly female and we will see more of this surfacing in coming years, partly due to the pandemic and more home based jobs.  

Nay outlines 3 myths which prevent women putting themselves forward and to be honest I could say they have been my own experience in life – perfectionism, being second-best and headhunting.  

Whilst I appreciate that Nay recommended more mentoring, my experience has been that this tends to be done by males rather than females.  The description of the church being a body functioning together works in some settings – lately I have seen it in “break away” fellowships rather than the mainstream churches.  Yes, action does lead to confidence but in my personal experience when a person wants to share their talents the rest of the church as a whole needs to acknowledge the individual’s ability, not just one or two in the leadership.  I would say that certain men do have confidence to push themselves forward and help within the church but they are an exception to the rule.  Sometimes it is difficult for me as a woman to see individuals talents, particularly men as I have found in the past many want to be doing one thing only which may not necessarily be their area of expertise or talent.  Believing you are able to do something is so much different that knowing you are able to do it.  Someone quietly saying to another that they can give a word of testimony is one thing but sharing that belief of another’s ability is difficult to portray to others.

25/9/24

I love the chapter titles in Nay Dawson's book

Chapter 1 - She doesn't feel good enough to serve in your church

Chapter 2 - She needs help failing

Chapter 3 - She needs help speaking

Chapter 4 - She needs brothers

Chapter 5 - She needs you to stop fudging the issue

Chapter 6 - She needs you to fix the leaky pipe

In Chapter 2 She needs help failing, I want to comment on the scripture she refers to - and it is a story you will be familiar with.  The story of Peter, the fisherman who failed and did it 3 times when he denied knowing Jesus after he had been arrested.  I always love this story and the lesson we can bring out of it - namely, even if we fail we can still get back up again and be used by God.  On that resurrection morning the explicit instruction was "Go and tell his disciples, and Peter." He was singled out by God and again it happened on the seashore when Jesus appeared and made breakfast for the disciples.

I think what Nay says is true - women do find failure harder to deal with than men.  And it is because of our emotions rather than a case of putting it behind us and moving on.  We just cannot do it!  I love the real life examples given in this chapter and was clapping in appreciation when Nay showed how each woman was able to be helped in their situations.  If only some of the accomplishments could happen in my life!

I am so very thankful that God is the God of the second chance, and the third and the fourth and the fifth!  So often as I look back on my life I am grateful to God for the many opportunities he has given for me to serve him and even when I mess up he takes me up and uses me again and again.

As I thought about chapter 2 She Needs Help Failing, my mind was drawn to the importance of certain ministries within the church setting today.  Apart from the ministry of preaching and teaching God's word what do you think becomes important?  What is emphasised more than anything else in your church particularly in terms of attendance?  For me it has always been the Prayer Time which sadly is tagged on to a Bible Study.  For some this meeting each week is the hardest of all to participate in. 

I remember quite clearly praying in our Church Prayer Time and being taken to one side afterwards by an older Christian lady who reprimanded me for speaking out in prayer.  It was not acceptable practice.  I was not allowed to question this but told simply it was a time when men's voices should be heard first and foremost.  As I thought about this I remembered the stories in scripture of women praying - when men were present. 

I think of Hannah as she prayed for a child and Eli the priest saw her.  He thought she was drunk because he could only see her lips moving but there was no sound.  She prayed and poured out her heart to the Lord.

Or I think of the day when Jesus left this earth and the disciples went in to the Upper Room.  It says that women were also present as well as Mary the mother of Jesus.  it was a time of prayer and supplication.

In Acts 16 when Lydia heard Paul speak it was at a prayer meeting by the river side outside the city.

Thankfully attitudes are changing and public prayer meetings are now allowing men and women both to be heard but there is sadly an older generation who still do not approve.

I loved chapter 2 She needs help failing and the example of Peter.  As I looked at it again I asked myself the question Nay posed "If you were leading a project at church, would you choose Peter to be on your team? and the second question "If you were Peter, would you have offered yourself to be on a team at this point?  Obviously I would say no to both.  But you see Peter's life is a life of grace and growth.  I love this!  Grace and growth.  Surely all our lives are characterised by these 2 aspects?  We cannot stand still, we have to grow. 

"The reinstatement of Peter shows us that God stretches out his hands not only in rescuing Peter but also in using Peter's failure to build his church."

Hallelujah!

This displays the nature of God - his generous grace and kindness in working through people such as you and me.  God does not expect perfection from those who follow him.  Sometimes the most simple and obvious of truths really hits you and it has done that for me today!

Remember Jesus' words before Peter failed "But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.  And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." Luke 22 verse 32  Imagine God is praying for you before you actually fail and he will continue to pray for you when you fail ... and when you get back up again.

Jesus chooses and uses failures such as you and me ... just think about that!

3/10/24 - Review for Passion for Evangelism Book Club

In chapter 3 Nay Dawson draws our attention to the many women in the bible whose voices were significant.

She gives 8 examples from individuals whose personal testimony shows their value and in a time when it was inappropriate for women to speak with men who weren't their husbands.

It is interesting to note that 2 of these were not of the family of faith and one in particular led an entire community to realise and acknowledge Jesus as the Saviour of the world.

The group of women who I was drawn to were those who despite Jesus' death were present to witness his resurrection.  They saw and believed immediately.  There was no questioning or doubting and likewise the disciples when they heard their story.  This led me to ask - why do men today doubt our ability as women to speak of a personal faith that is real and evidenced through our lives?  Jesus changed the treatment of women but Paul did it too.  Throughout Philippians Paul points to how the women had a vital role to play in the work of the church and spreading the gospel.  This was a church whose foundation members were 2 women and Paul recognised them and others as individuals, as co-workers and friends.

I have participated in public prayer times and been told not pray openly by an older woman as it was not acceptable according to the New Testament.  When challenged I realised that it was culturally more acceptable for men to lead and pray.

The question in a ratio of 2 women to 1 man - how can this practice continue?  Sad to say in my own situation the decline of men present in my church marches onward and there may yet come a time when women will need to take on more prominent roles of leadership to enable the church to flourish and grown

8/10/24 - Review for Passion for Evangelism Book Club

In chapter 4 She needs brothers, our attention is drawn to how Jesus treated the women he met.  In one particular instance we are introduced to 2 sisters – one who thought Jesus wanted her service rather than her ears and her heart.  Jesus encouraged Mary to sit, listen and learn.  He chose Mary to be his disciple and later to be part of taking the great commission to make disciples as well.  All of this was culturally unusual in those days and yet today some of those same principles need to be emphasised within our church settings.  For instance, it is assumed that women will provide refreshments on special church occasions and sometimes will not be in attendance during the actual teaching ministry as they are busy with preparations for the meal at the end.  What a challenge – to have educated laywoman such as Priscilla, an adventurous pioneer such as Phoebe or a granny such as Timothy’s in our churches and yet they are not recognised as such.  The story of the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4 also reminds us that Jesus treated women with dignity and validated them as human beings made in the image of God.  She is the first recorded Gentle to recognise Jesus as the Messiah and the first evangelist – her whole community believed because of her words.  This chapter challenges and asks us as women to think of how we consider ourselves and our brothers in Christ.

15/10/24 - Review for Passion for Evangelism Book Club

In chapter 5 we look at the inconsistency that exists and how women need to be heard and allowed to share within church settings.  Unfortunately there is a lack of clarity within many of our churches and these lead to feelings of frustration and confusion.  For decades many women have been sent by their churches to work abroad and end up leading, pioneering and teaching in churches.  Many of our heroines of the faith have led very fruitful and fulfilling ministries working in education and medical facilities as well as planting churches or helping others to grow.  For the first time we can see something of the aim of this book - to ask church leaders and women to sit down and talk together about the issues raised in these pages, namely, inconsistency and feelings then work together to find pathways to use the gifts God has given all of us, male and female alike.