It's OK to be Not OK by Federico G Villanueva

 

It's OK to be Not OK

by Federico G Villanueva

Original Social Media postings....

One aspect I love about our Book Club is the sharing of books people have read and recommend. This is one of those books - It's OK to be not OK by Federico G Villanueva.  Here is a quote I love and find so applicable right now ...

"Going to worship can become an exercise in pretence and concealment - neither of which can possibly be conducive for a real encounter with God."

So very true - what do we do in reaction to bad news or tragedy? Do we really let him see our true feelings?

It's OK to be not OK - this book turned my attention to Psalm 42 and the truth - being down is not always an indication that something is wrong with us. This psalm tells us that being down can be an indication of growing intimacy with God.

I can so relate to this and say "amen" yet have been frowned on by good Christian people for even having feelings of being down. Let me say this - the Christian is not exempt from feelings of despondency and depression just as they are not exempt from illness. It is all not all roses in God's garden. Just look at the saints in his word and you will see many that were depressed and even asked God to take their lives.

Happy moments - praise God

Difficult moments - seek God

Quiet moments - worship God

Painful moments - trust God

Every moment - thank God

We go through seasons in our lives. Old Testament scholar Walter Brueggemann mentions 3 of these seasons:

Season of orientation

Season of disorientation

Season of new orientation

Those who have gone through cancer (like I have) and recovered know the season after the storm. Just when we thought our boat would sink the wind stopped and the waves settled. Just when we thought it was the end of it all, life broke in, bringing new meaning and hope - things you never expected would still be possible. Just when we thought that our suffering would never end, we realise the heavy cloud has been lifted, just like that. Yes there's a certain feeling of "just like that". Many describe entering this season as living through a very long process of struggle and then at the end, feeling that life is returning to them.

Sadly some people do not reach this season because they decide to end it. Depressed people sometimes think there is no more end to their darkness, pain and woes. But there is a end to it. It will come. We may not know when but it will come. And when it does, we just cant wait to celebrate.

For many of us, the more we grow in our relationship with God, the more challenging life seems and the deeper our struggles feel.  Struggles take on subtler forms as we progress in the faith.  There is no holding back for the faithful.  We struggle with fear, with experiences of being down.  We feel sad and cry.  Like Jacob in the Old Testament, we struggle with others, with issues of anger and rebellion.  And we struggle with God.  But in all our struggles, we do not retreat.  We face our struggles.  We face our fears.  We admit our struggles with emotional and financial problems.  More importantly, we come to God with our struggles.  Just like Jacob, we struggle with God.  And in his presence we are transformed, for we are not to let go until God blesses us.

Having read this book once I felt that there was much more to look at in this book ...

Foreward by Rev Chris Wright, PhD, International Ministries Director, Langham Partnership

"When we run out of explanations (for suffering and disasters or reject the ones we try, what are we to do?  We lament and protest.  We shout that it simply isn't fair.  We cry out to God in anger.  We tell him we can't understand and demand to know why he did not prevent it.  Is it wrong to do this?  Is it something that real believers shouldn't do, just like real men don't cry?  Is it sinful to be angry with God?  Again I turn to my bible and find that the answer simply has to be No.  Or at least, I find that God allows a great deal of anger to be expressed, even if, at times, he corrects it where it threatens to lead a person into sin or rebellion (as in the case of Jeremiah 15 verses 19 to 21).

In the bible there is plenty of lament, protest, anger and baffled questions.  And the point we should notice (possibly to our surprise) is that it is all hurled at God, not by his enemies, but by those who loved and trusted him most.  It seems, indeed that it is precisely those who have the closest relationship with God who feel most at liberty to pour out their pain and protest to God - without fear of reproach.  Lament is not only allowed in the bible - it is modelled for us in abundance.  God seems to want to give us as many words with which to fill in our complaint forms as to write out thank you notes.  Perhaps this is because whatever amount of lament the world causes us to express is a drop in the ocean compared to the grief in the heart of God himself at the totality of suffering that only God can comprehend.

Job gives us a whole bookful of such protest, and at the end, God declares that Job is more in the right than his friends who had so dogmatically given their "explanation" (and solution) to his suffering.  Job himself is outrageously bold in his complaints to God and about God.

"Then know that God has wronged me and drawn his net around me.  Though I cry "Violence" I get no response; though I call for help, there is no justice.  He has blocked my way so I cannot pass; he has shrouded my paths in darkness." John 19 verses 6 to 8

Jeremiah (like Job) wishes he'd never been born, accuses God of cheating him and pours out his pain to God (read especially Jeremiah 15 verses 1 - 21; 17 verses 14 to 18, 20 verses 7 to 18).

"Why is my pain unending and my wound grievous and incurable? You (God) are to me like a deceptive brook, like a spring that fails." (Jeremiah 15 verse 18)

Lamentations is a powerfully pain-filled book constantly crying out to to God against the terrible calamity that had befallen Jerusalem (Lamentations 2 verses 11 and 12)

Psalm after psalm asks God questions like "How long, O Lord ...?" and demonstrate over the suffering of the innocent and the apparent ease of the wicked (Psalm 10; 12; 13; 28; 30; 56; 69 and 88)

In the divinely inspired book of Psalms there are more psalms of lament and anguish than of joy and thanksgiving.  These are words that God has actually given us.  God has allowed them a prominent place in his authorised songbook.  We need both forms of worship in abundance as we live in this wonderful, terrible world.

The language of lament is seriously neglected in the church.  Many Christians seem to feel that somehow it can't be right to complain to God in the context of corporate worship when we should all feel happy.  There is implicit pressure to stifle our real feelings because we are urged, by pious merchants of emotional denial, that we ought to have "faith" (as if the moaning psalmists didn't).  So we end up giving external voice to pretended emotions we do not really feel, while hiding the real emotions we are struggling with deep inside.  Going to worship can become an exercise in pretence and concealment - neither of which can possibly be conducive for a real encounter with God.  So in reaction to some appalling disaster or tragedy, rather than cry out our true feelings to God, we prefer other ways of responding to it.

"It's all part of God's curse on the earth."

"It's God's judgment."

"It's meant for a warning."

"It's ultimately for our own good."

"God is sovereign so that must make it all OK in the end."

But our suffering friends in the bible didn't choose that way.  They simply cry out in pain and protest against God - precisely because they know God.  Their protest is born out of the jarring contrast between what they know and what they see.  It is because they know God that they are so angry and upset.  How can the God they know and love so much behave this way?  They know that "the LORD is loving towards all he has made" (Psalm 145 verse 9, 13 and 17).  Why then does he allow things to happen that seem to indicate the opposite?  They know the God who says "I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked" (Ezekiel 33 verse 11).  How then can he watch the deaths of hundreds of thousands whom Jesus would tell us are not necessarily any more sinful than the rest of us?  They know the God whom Jesus says is there when even a sparrow falls to earth.  Where is that God when the ocean swallows whole villages (and churches)?

Such radically inexplicable disasters fill biblical believers with desperate, passionate, concern for the very nature of God.  So they cry out in vertigo above the chasm that seems to gape between the God they know and the world they live in.  If God is supposed to be like that, how can the world be like this?

Lament is the voice of that pain, whether for oneself, for one's people or simply for the mountain of suffering of humanity and creation itself.  Lament is the voice of faith struggling to live with unanswered questions and unexplained suffering.

God not only understands and accepts such lament; God has even given us words in the bible to express it!  An overflowing abundance of such words.  Why then are we so reluctant to give voice to what God allows in his Word, using the words of those who wrote them for us out of their own suffering faith?

The words written above made me really think and then this challenging question was written in the next paragraph ...

Am I embarrassed to shed tears watching the news or worshipping in church after such terrible tragedies have struck again?  Do I tell the God I know and love and trust, but don't always understand, that I just can't get my head around the pain of seeing such unspeakable destruction and death?  Do I cry out on behalf of the wretched of the earth and ask "Why those poor people, Lord, yet again?  Haven't they suffered enough of this world's gross unfairness already?"

Rev Wright points out that God has planted a pale reflection of his own infinite compassion and mercy in the tiny finite case of my heart.  If there is joy in heaven over one sinner that repents, are there not also tears in heaven over thousands swept to their death?

He points out that Federico in this book pays attention to what so many pastors and preachers ignore (and in effect implicitly deny) - the songs of lament and protest in the bible - and helps us to relate them to the broken and painful realities of our own lives.

His hope is that this book will bring encouragement and reassurance to many.  Also that it may protect us from the lies of those who tell us that simply having faith makes everything in life OK.  He wants us to hopefully renew our love for God and trust in him in the midst of those times when things go horribly wrong.

INTRODUCTION

In the opening of the Introduction, Federico describes Typhoon Ondoy which occurred in 2009 which destroyed houses, villages and countless lives.  On the Sunday following the typhoon many people were not able to go to church because many of them were under water.  The following week after the typhoon, on the very first Sunday they were able to go to church.  Federico noticed that the worship leader spoke as if everything was normal and did not even mention the typhoon.  None of the hymns related to what they had just experienced.  The prayers did not mention the tragedy they had just endured.  Federico asked himself - "why is there nothing in our worship about what we have experienced."

As I read these words I was horrified - it is one thing for me sitting comfortably in my home and watching news of such events on the other side of the world, maybe even whispering a prayer for God's protection and comfort to those who have lost loved ones and possessions - but to be actually there and see how people react, well that is a different kettle of fish altogether.

Federico goes on to say how when difficulties struck members of his church such as sickness, suffering or other problems, they sang praise songs.  He realised there was a mismatch between what they were singing and experiencing.  Most of their songs come from the West.  They are good songs but do not fit in with their experiences as a suffering people.  Even when homes and villages are flooded they continue to sing happy songs.

The same happens when people share testimonies in church gatherings.  What Federico feared was expressed in other gatherings.  Even in a district pastors gathering they were told only to share things to praise God for such as how churches were growing and how many members they have.

This attitude spills out into the church.  When was the last time you listened to someone standing in front of the church, sharing a painful struggle they were going through and then just stopping there?  When was the last time you saw someone cry in front of the church because he or she could no longer carry on?

We make sure our worship gatherings are full of celebration, like a fiesta.  Our songs are mostly upbeat and our worship teams make a point of always ending on a high note.  One seminary professor in the USA, whose wife had divorced him, commented that during the 5 years of pain and suffering he endured, the only part of the worship service that was meaningful and helpful to him was the assistant pastor's 5 minute prayer for suffering people.  The rest of the service - the singing, the sermon and everything else - was for happy people.  We can say the same thing for many evangelical churches in our country.  Even when we share our problems during testimony times, we usually end with statements like: "But I know everything will be Ok" or "But I know God has a purpose."  Although these statements are true I wonder if those who utter them only do so in order to cover up or deny their pain and uncertainty.  Or maybe, they just feel that they must follow a "script"

Scott Ellington once conducted a study of how testimonies were done in a certain group of churches.  what he found was revealing.  He discovered that testimonies were no longer spontaneous; they were being screening by the leaders before they were made in public.  The leaders wanted to make sure that whatever was publicly shared would build up the faith.  An unanswered prayer would not qualify as a "testimony".

But if the only sharing and testimonies we hear are about answered prayers and victorious experiences then we leave out the experience of quite a number of those in the church.  While some can testify about the great things the Lord has been doing in their lives others find it hard to identify with what they are saying.  Some may, in fact, wonder why the prayers of those testifying have been answered while their own prayers have not.  In the same manner when our congregations sing victory songs, some of us may have a hard time singing along.

For the most part we have successively deleted what many consider the "negative".  There is no room for negative emotions like despair, sadness, loneliness, fear and anger; no room or negative actions like struggling, mourning, weping, crying and questioning God; no room for negative situations like failure, accidents and calamities.  Generally today,

• it's not OK to be down
• it's not OK to be sad
• it's not OK to cry
• its not OK to be afraid
• its' not OK to struggle
• It's not OK to be angry
• it's not OK to question God
• it's not OK to fail

Speaking of his own experiences in Singapore, Gordon Wong, an Old testament scholar and pastor, writes "our churches emphasize prayer and praise to God.  But we almost always think that the only prayers acceptable to God are words of praise and thanksgiving."  He points out the absence of such prayers in the lament psalms and Habakkuk:

"Many churches today have lost this major dimension of prayer and worship. We emphasise thanksgiving so much that we give the impression that God can only be worshipped by the happy soul, or only by the person who feels full of praise.  Many of our comments at worship are aimed at urging the worshipper to feel in a "correct" way, a good way, a positive and joyful way.  We may even say things like, 'you can't truly worship God if you are worried about your troubles.  Leave aside your problems right now.  We are in the house of God.  Don't be distracted by the cares of this world.  Just focus on God and praise his name.'"

Denise Ackermann, a South African Christian leader has observed something similar:

"Acts of lamentation have disappeared from our liturgies in our churches  Keening (wailing in grief) bodies addressing God directly, calling God to account for the intractability of suffering, are deemed to be liturgically inappropriate in mainline Christianity in my country."

A look at the worship books of most mainline denominations reveals that "psalms of lament are poorly represented .. With notable exceptions, it would appear that prayer and worship in many Christian congregations fail to make room for the experiences of lament protest and remonstration with God."

Because there is no room in the church for our negative experiences, we do not know how to respond when tragic events occur.  John Swinton relates his own experience in Ireland after the Omagh bombing, which killed 28 people and left about 200 others wounded and maimed.  Shortly after the bombing, Swinton attended church and observed  that there was no mention of the tragedy in the entire worship service.

"Something was seriously wrong with our church and despite the fact that I had been attending there for ten years, I had never noticed it.  It seemed that we had no capacity for dealing with sadness.  As I reflected on thr way in which my church worshipped, its emphasis, its tone, its expectations, its expressed hopes, I suddenly understood clearly that there was no room in our liturgy and worship for sadness, brokenness and questioning.  we had much space for love, joy, praise and supplication, but it seemed thst we viewed the acknowledgement of sadness and the tragic brokenness of our world as almost tantatmount to faithlessness.  As a result, when tragedy hit ... we had no idea what to do with it or how to formulate our concerns.  Because we had not consistently practiced the art of recognising, accepting and expressing sadness, we had not developed the capacity to deal with tragedy ... In the face of evil and suffering, we sang cheerful songs and expressed happy thoughts rather than weeping with the wounded and lamenting with the Sovereign God."

Because there is no room in the church for our negative experiences not only are we ill prepared when tragedy strikes, but people also learn to deny their true feelings  Since there is no room for their negative experiences they learn to hide these  They feel obliged to create their own "virtual identity" - the "always OK" image.  Old Testament scholar and Christian leader Chris Wright remarks

"There is an implicit pressure to stifle our real feelings because we are urged by pious merchants of emotional denial, that we ought to have "faith" ... So we end up giving external voice to pretended emotions we do not really feel, while hiding the real emotions we are struggling with deep inside."

So what do we do?  How do we address the church's failure to make room for our negative experiences?

Chapter 2 Learning from the Lament Psalms

Federico tells of his own personal experience of watching the weekly rift between what people were experiencing and declaring through songs and testimonies.  He found that laments were particularly concentrated in the book of Psalms, which is full of songs and prayers arising out of the prophets experience of suffering.  there he found the voice he was looking for the voice that comes from the depths ...

"Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD." Psalm 130 verse 1

These lament psalms arise from serious, persistent, can't-get-away-from it experiences of despair.  Some are triggered by national crises like a crop failure or being defeated in a war (Psalm 44) and may seem to be written for the king, who refers to himself as "I" when speaking on behalf of his suffering people.  Others speak of more personal criss like a prolonged illness Psalm 6), depression (Psalm 13 verse 2) or betrayal by someone very close to you (Psalm 55 verses 12 to 14).

In his book, Psalms: Reading and Studying the Book of Praises W H Bellinger divides the lament palms up as follow:

Individual lament psalms: 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9-10, 11, 13, 16, 17, 22, 25, 26, 27, 28, 31, 35, 36, 38, 39, 40, 42-43, 51, 52, 54, 55, 56, 67, 59, 61, 62, 63, 64, 69, 70, 71, 77, 86, 88 94, 102, 109, 120, 130, 140, 141, 143

Communal lament psalms: 12, 14, 44, 5, 58, 60, 74, 79, 80, 93, 85, 90, 106, 108, 123, 126, 137

All of these are part of the book of Psalms, which functioned rather like the hymnbook used in worship in the temple in Jerusalem.  This means that even the personal laments were not purely personal but were meant to be used by the community.  The writers lamented before God in the context of the community and the community wrote down and used their laments.

The people who wrote the lament psalms did not keep silent about what they were feeling or experiencing.  they put their experience down in poetry and music.  While we no longer have access to the original music of the psalms, the poetic words remain, along with the emotion that went with them.  In these laments we hear the people's agony.  We feel their pain.  We are privileged to see the struggles, sufferings and darkness Old Testament believers went through.  we are invited to walk with them "through the valley of the shadow of death" as they take us to a road that leads to light.  These laments make us feel we are not alone.  They offer us words that we can use on our own journey which is also marked by pain and suffering.

The lament psalms open the way to God.  They are not just empty words uttered to no one.  God's people have someone to whom they can direct their laments.  In fact, a lament is a type of prayer.  That is what distinguishes biblical lament from many modern laments, which merely complain about life in general, the government, corruption and so on.  The laments we find in the Psalms are not just complaints; they are prayers, honest prayers.

What makes the lament psalms particularly powerful is that they are both prayer and word. The lament psalms have been included in our bible and therefore bear an important message for us today.  They invite us to bring all our negative emotions and failures to God.  Using their very words, we can struggle, weep, and even express our questions to God.

The strong emphasis on the positive and on victory in some of our churches and communities means that our negative experiences are drowned out by the noise of praise.  But our negative experiences are real and they have a place in the bible.  We as pastors have a responsibility to help our people understand this by preaching on the psalms of lament.  By doing this we will ...

• create space for our negative experiences within the worshipping community.  We need the lament psalms to give voice to our negative experiences.  These psalms tell us it's OK to be not OK.  There is room for our sadness, depression, anger, questions and struggles.  We do not have to deny them; they are part of our spirituality and of our whole walk with God.  By acknowledging them and bringing them to God in the way that the lament psalms do, we make our negative experiences occasions for growth and intimacy with God.

• challenge people to confront their sufferings and struggles.  None of us want pain or suffering.  We would rather deny or ignore them.  But we also know that none of us are immune to suffering. none of us go through life unscathed.  We will all have days when we just don't want to get up anymore.  Some of us have to go to church on Sundays when we are not feeling well or are struggling inside.  Without the lament, there might not be any opportunity to address what we are going through.  Most parts of the worship service - the songs, the sermon, etc - are for people who are OK.  By bringing on board the lament psalms, we make sure our negative experiences are given the attention they need.  This may cause unease from some.  Who wants to admit that they are not OK?  But we cannot move towards restoration until we face up to our true situation.

• invite people to come to God and pour our their hearts to him.  The lament psalms provide us with the words we can utter to God.  There are times when we just don't know what to say.  The beauty of the lament psalms is that they express for us what we are going through.  All the emotions we go through are found in the Psalms, including the negative ones.  And since the lament psalms are prayers, they become vehicles for pouring out our own personal cries and petitions to God.  One of the best ways of preaching lament is by inviting the congregation to pray the words of the lament at the end.

Federico put these ideas into practice and after 2 years of doing this he started to see fruit.  The message of the lament psalms is this ...

It's OK to be Not OK

• it's Ok to be down
• It's OK to be sad
• It's OK to be afraid
• It's OK to be angry
• It's OK to struggle
• It's OK to weep
• It's OK to question God
• It's OK to fail

By using the lament psalms in our churches and communities we will learn to appreciate them ...

• as poetry which vividly expresses our human sorrows
• as pointers to God as they teach us a theology of suffering
• as prayers with which we can identify and which we can make our own when words fail us because of our grief

Federico outlines 4 key steps to help discern God's message in a lament psalm for ourselves and for others ...

1. pay attention to the movement between lament and praise in these psalms
2. identify the types of suffering depicted in each psalm
3. discern what messages about God, the life of faith and reality in general we can derive from the depictions of sufferings
4. participate in each lament psalm by actually praying the words of the psalm, experiencing the movements between lament and praise yourself, and bringing your own experiences and that of others to God as you identify with the sufferings depicted in the psalm

Chapter 3 - It's OK to be Down

What do we mean by the word "down"?  Think of the words of the song "Precious Lord".  This song was composed by Thomas A Dorsey in response to the death of his wife in childbirth.  The baby had also died.

"I am tired, I am weak, I am worn"

"When my way grows drear"

"When my life is almost gone"

"When the the darkness appears and the night draws near"

"And the day is past and gone"

In the bible we find that even people of great faith, those who were closest to God, experienced what it means to be down.  Can you hear Moses crying out "I am tired, I am weak, I am worn" because of the constant complaints and grumbling of the Israelites.  It had all become too much for Moses and so he actually prayed for God to take him away ...

"I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me.  If this is how you are going to treat me, put me to death right now - if I have found favour in your eyes - and do not let me face my own ruin" Numbers 11 verses 14 and 15.

Elijah could easily sing the words, "When my life is almost gone".  He too wished he were dead.  And this happened right after one of the most amazing events in his ministry as a prophet - winning the competition against the prophets of Baal.  But as 1 Kings 19 verse 4 tells us:

"While he himself went a day's journey into the desert, he came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, Lord" he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors."

The author of Psalm 88 knows very well the darkness spoken about in the line "When the darkness appears and the night draws near" (verse 18)

And how can we miss Jeremiah, known as the "weeping prophet"?

"Oh that my head were a spring of water and my eyes a fountain of tears! I would weep day and night for the slain of my people." Jeremiah 9 verse 1

The lesson to learn: being down is not something only weaklings experience.  Even the best of God's people can be down.

Some of the psalms also deal with the experience of someone who is very close to God but feels down.  Look at Psalms 42/43, which begins with the familiar words "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God." Psalm 42 verse 1  Like Moses, Elijah and Jeremiah, this psalmist is someone who is close to God.  In verse 1 he compares his longing for God with that of a deer looking for water.  Israel is a dry country and when it does rain, the water quickly flows away.  Water comes and goes quickly and there is little, if any, to be found when the poor deer looks for it.  The psalmist watches the deer desperately searching for water, water that has already gone, and he says to God: "God like that deer, bound to die if it cannot find water, so I am dying for you."

And yet this person who longs so deeply for God with all his being tells us that instead of finding God, all he has are tears:

"My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" (verse 3)

The only "water" he is finding is the water of his own tears.  His longing for God did not bring him peace and joy, or even a release from whatever emotional turmoil he was experiencing.  Instead, it aggravated his situation.

The psalmist does not easily give up, however.  He encourages himself; he actually talks to his soul:

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? ... Put your hope in God." (verse 5)

He rouses his soul and asks himself, "Why are you down?  That's not where you're supposed to be."  Maybe he has been told that people who are close to God should always be OK.  And so he commands his soul to trust in God

"Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God." (verses 5 and 6a)

But in spite of his initial attempts he confesses,

"My soul is downcast within me." (verse 6a)

To admit that you are not OK, to admit that you are down, is a remarkable feat.  When all the voices you hear, including your own, are telling you, "Keep trusting in God" or "Don't give up" this psalmist is telling us "You know what? I've struggled and tried to keep my soul from being in despair.  I've been tired remembering those commands, and encouraging words to "put your hope in God." But to be honest about it, I'm still down."

He tries to encourage himself further by remembering the Lord ...

"Therefore i will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the eights of Hermon - from Mount Mizar." (verse 6)

... but the more he tries, the more he feels down.  He tells the Lord:

"All your waves and breakers have swept over me." (verse 7)

The psalmist is drowning: he feels his life ebbing away.

Three times he repeats the words, "Why are you downcast, O my soul. Put your hope in God." (Psalm 42 verse 5, 11; 43 verse 5)  This demonstrates the psalmist perseverance.  At the same time, it tells us that even a life lived in close fellowship with God, the life of someone who deeply longs for God, is not immune to the experience of despair.

Jesus himself became downcast.  Matthew quotes Jesus' words:

"My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death." (Matthew 26 verse 38)

Here the Greek word translated as "overwhelmed with sorrow" is the same word, we find used to translate "downcast" in the ancient Greek translation of Psalm 42 verse 5.  What Jesus experienced in the Garden of Gethsemane was not merely being down.  He was not just sorrowful: he was "very sorrowful".  Matthew says that he was sorrowful "to the point of death" (Matthew 26 verse 38).  Luke tells us that Jesus' agony was such that "his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground" (Luke 2 verse 44)

Like Moses, the psalmist and others, Jesus experienced what it means to be downcast.  But what is even more remarkable is that he told his disciples about it.  Jesus did not think it improper to admit "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death." Moses, Elijah, Jeremiah and the psalmist - all experienced despair and expressed this to God.  Jesus, however, confessed his feeling of being down to his disciples.

We cannot even be honest about what we are going through especially if it involves some negative emotion like despair, depression or deep sadness.  it seem that we have come to a point in our Christian life as a community when we can no longer show that we are down.  we are always expected to be OK.  But the question is: Are we really OK? Are there not times in our lives when we just want to quit?Are there not nights and days when, like the psalmist "our tears have been our food"?

We have seen in the lives of God's people, including that of Jesus himself, even those who are closest to God can be down.  The experience of the psalmist in particular teaches us that being down is not necessarily a sign of weak faith or that we live far from God.  On the contrary, it can be an indication of a growing and deepening relationship with God.  As the Spanish scholar Alonso Schokel tells us, one way of knowing we have experienced God's presence is how we sense his absence:

"The manner of God's presence is awareness of his absence.  Absence which is not noticed nor deeply felt is a simple absence which causes no grief.  But absence which is felt is a means of being present in the consciousness, bringing anxiety and grief.  God communicates most intensely by creating an awareness of his absence."

We tend to think that when we are in the presence of God, it's all peace and joy and serenity. 

Thomas Merton said ...

"Let us never forget that the ordinary way to contemplation lies through a dessert without trees and without beauty and without water.  The spirit enters a wilderness and travels blindly in directions that seem to lead away from vision, away from God, away from all fulfillment and joy.  It may become almost impossible to believe that this road goes anywhere at all except to a desolation full of dry bones - the ruin of all our hopes and good intentions."

The experiences of the psalmist and of God's people in the bible demonstrate that a close walk with God is not just all about what we consider "positive" emotions.  Christians have testified of their own experiences of this "dark night".  Dietrich Bonhoeffer who was ordered hanged by Hitler writes ...

"This longing to know God's judgments, cost what it may, is not a power of the soul; on the contrary, it is the soul's death ... When this longing for God comes over us, then the soul suffers torment, then it is prostrate, then its fine structure is consumed."

Do you feel down today? The good news is that you don't have to pretend you are not.  Like the psalmist, you can actually say, "My soul is downcast".  It's OK to be down.  It's OK to admit we are down.  Most importantly, it's OK to come to God when we are down - especially when we are down.  As we have learned:

• Even God's people, including Jesus, experienced being down
• they were not afraid or ashamed to acknowledge before God or before people that they felt down
• Being down is not always an indication that something is wrong with us.  Psalm 43/43 tells us that being down can be an indication of growing intimacy with God.
• Most important of all, we can come to God even when we are down.  In fact, we should come to God especially when we are down.

However, just because "it's OK to be down" does not mean we should stay down.  As we go through the different seasons of life so our response should change.  The problem is that we often think that negative experiences like being down are unacceptable in the life of Christian faith.

Chapter 4 - It's OK to Be Sad

Federico tells the story of visiting Eric, a 35 year old pastor who had suffered a stroke.  His friend, also a pastor asked him to pray for Eric.  Then he also prayed.  But there was something in his prayer that made him wonder.  He prayed "Lord, this sickness does not glorify you.  But I pray that Pastor Eric's response to his situation will glorify you."

What is a response that glorifies God when you can hardly speak because of the pain?  How do you glorify God when there are lots of uncertainties and questions in your mind?  Eric has 2 children, one of them a newborn baby.  Federico is deeply saddened by what happened to him, and so are his wife and family.  Given his situation his sadness is one that could easily turn to depression.

How do we respond in a way that glorifies God in situations like these?

We have been taught that in all situations, we should respond positively.

Happy moments - Praise God

Difficult moments - Seek God

Quiet moments - Worship God

Painful moments - Trust God

Every moment - Thank God

The usual response we have for all situations is "Every moment - Thank God!"

The night before Eric had that tragic stroke, he had been at the church.  The following morning, he could no longer get up and was rushed to the hospital.  Should we try to comfort him by singing "It is well with my soul?"  Can we encourage him to say "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away"?

There are situations when those who have uttered such words have genuinely meant it in their hearts.  But it is worrisome when this becomes the only response we know, as if the only response that would glorify God is the positive one.

In the same way, it is not wrong for the church to be a place of celebration.  There are many reasons why the church should celebrate.  it is when the church is being celebrative all the time, day in and day out, that it becomes a problem. For when the church does not learn how to live with "sadness, brokenness and questioning", it will not learn how to respond when tragic events occur.  What we have to learn is that it is OK to be sad, broken and lonely when we go through difficult situations.

Like nature, we go through different seasons of life.  In the Philippines there are only 2 seasons - dry and wet, rainy and sunny.  In the same way, we go through the seasons of our own lives.  Old Testament scholar Walter Brueggermann mentions 3 of these seasons:

1. season of orientation
2. season of disorientation
3. season of new orientation

The season of orientation refers to situations in our life when life is normal.  Of course, we know that what is "normal" depends on our circumstances.  In a season of orientation, our days are like a boat sailing "normally" on the sea.  There are some small waves and the wind is blowing, but the sun is shining and the boat is pretty much controllable.

Now imagine that we are sailing along in that boat and that suddenly we see dark clouds rolling in and obscuring the sun.  There is a blast of wind, and the waves are no longer small ripples - they are now huge and violent.  Our serenity is shattered.  We feel that we may die at any moment.  We are not sure if we'll make it - there is no guarantee.  And so we cling to our boat for dear life, drenched by the water crashing over us.  We are now in an entirely different season, a season of disorientation.

In the season of disorientation, all sense of normal is gone.  We look for the ordinary places we know, but they are no longer there.  We're lost.  We search deep within us for some guidance to ride the raging sea, to no avail.  All that's left is our boat, which may be sinking  The death of a loved one, an accident, the loss of a job, or a divorce may lead to a season of disorientation in our lives.  What happened to Eric also counts as a season of disorientation.

For Eric - a few months after Federico visited - was up and about, slowly getting back to his normal routines.  He had almost died but he survived.  He was now experiencing what we call the season of new orientation.  This is the season "after the storm".  Just when he thought our boat would sink, the wind stopped and the waves settled.  Think of how Jesus spoke to the wind and the waves when he calmed the storm.  What followed was a great stillness - a setting even more peaceful than before the storm.  Those who have gone through cancer and recovered know exactly what this means.  Just when you thought it was the end of it all, life broke in, bringing new meaning and hope - things you never expected would still be possible Just when we thought that our suffering would never end, we realise the heavy cloud has been lifted, just like that.  Yes, there's a certain feeling of "just like that".  Many describe entering this season as living through a very long process of struggle and then, at the end, feeling that life is returning to them.

Sadly, some people do not reach this season because they decide to end it all by committing suicide.  Depressed people sometimes think here is no more end to their darkness, pain and woes.  But there is an end to it.  It will come.  We may not know when, but it will come.  And when it does, we just can't wait to celebrate.

Celebration.  That's what the believers of old did when they were in a season of new orientation.  When their prayers were answered, the Israelites would go to the temple and give a thanksgiving offering, known as the today.

"I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.  Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live ... I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the LORD ... I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people, in the courts of the house of the LORD - in your midst, Jerusalem.  Praise the LORD." Psalm 116 verses 1 and 2, 17 to 19

A worshipper would celebrate with his loved ones.  The good thing about the todah is that the animal offered would be returned to the one who had brought it, the offerer.  He would then cook the meat (people then did not often get the chance to eat meat) and invite his family and fiends to partake of the feast.  Together, they would celebrate the goodness of the Lord.  In the midst of the celebration , the one who had experienced an answer to prayer would stand up and recount what the Lord had done.  Psalm 116 gives us some idea of what was usually said in such gatherings.

The bible, particularly the Psalms, knows well what it means to celebrate.  All the available instruments - cymbals, harp, tambourine, trumpet etc - are played when people praise God (Psalm 150).  Worshippers also dance as they sing.  Remember David dancing with all his might when the Ark of the Covenant was about to enter his house (2 Samuel 6 verse 16).  The people then had "praise and worship" and more.

But they did not always rejoice and dance and sing happy songs.  when a season of disorientation struck, like defeat in a war or pests destroying crops, people would go to the temple and, as a community, lament before God. Their type of prayer is known as the communal lament.  Psalm 44 is an example of this type of prayer.  This psalm begins with a recollection of what God has done in the past; how he defeated his people's enemies, how he saved them and granted them victory.

"We have heard it with our ears, O God; our fathers have told us what you did in their days, in days long ago.  With your hand you drove out the nations and planted our fathers; you crushed the peoples and made our fathers flourish.  It was not by their sword that they won the land, nor did their arm bring them victory; it was your right hand, your arm, and the light of your face, for you loved them. You are my King and my god, who decrees victories for Jacob." (Psalm 44 verses 1 to 4)

But in the middle of the psalm, people pour out their hearts to God.  They tell him:

"But now you have rejected and humbled us; you no longer go out with our armies.  You made us retreat before the enemy, and our adversaries have plundered us.  You gave us up to be devoured like sheep and have scattered us among the nations." Psalm 4 verses 9 to 11

We can see how different the response of God's people was when disaster or calamity struck their community.  They did not feel obliged to give thanks or celebrate.  No, the response of the Israelites was not limited to that.  God's people knew how to lament.  They even had rituals to accompany their lament.  If in thanksgiving they had the todah offering, then during times of lament, they put ashes on their heads, put on sackcloth, fasted, wept and even pulled out their hair  (Ezra 9 verse 3).  When an individual was sick or in deep trouble, he or she would pray a lament psalm.  We call this type of psalm an "individual lament psalm" and there are a lot of these.  There are, in fact, more lament psalms in the book of Psalms than there are thanksgiving psalms.  The problem with our response today is that we do not even know how to lament, let alone have rituals to accompany our grieving.

Believers of old responded in a way that matched life's extremes of disorientation and new orientation, of suffering and celebration.  In between, when life was normal (that is, during seasons of orientation) they also responded accordingly.  They had their own songs and declarations, acknowledging that life is "normal" because it is God who is at work.  the season of orientation can seem boring to some.  For instance, many of us think that when we travel from one place to another and arrive safely at our destination, that that's just the way it is.  "Why thank God?" some of us would say, "It's just normal".  But for the believers of old, "normal" situations are also opportunities to declare who God is.  

"Praise the LORD, my soul.  LORD my God, you are very great ... He set the earth on its foundations; it can never be moved ... He makes springs pour water into the ravines; it flows between the mountains.  They give water to all the beasts of the field; the wild donkeys quench their thirst.  The birds of the air nest by the waters; they sing among the branches ... He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for man to cultivate - bringing forth food from the earth ... The moon marks off the season, and the sun knows when to go down.  You bring darkness, it becomes night, and all the beasts of the forest prowl ... the sun rises, and they steal away; they return and lie down in their dens.  Then man goes out to his work, to his labour until evening.  How many are you works, LORD! In wisdom you made them all;  the earth is full of your creatures."

As the Israelites went through the different seasons of life, they also had their different sets of responses.  New orientation led to celebration and thanksgiving.  Disorientation caused them to lament and weep.  In both of these, Walter Brueggermann explains "They have limit expressions for their limit experiences."  Limit experiences are those experiences which bring us to the limits, the extremes.  The limit could involve positive experiences like healing, resolution or answered prayer.  Or it could involve negative experiences like loss and death.  In both situations, we see that God's people had "limit expression", not just one "limit expression"  They celebrated in new orientation; they lamented in disorientation.  And somewhere in the middle, they acknowledged God's presence in the season or orientation.

The main difference with us today is that we have only one response for all the seasons of life.  Its the positive response.  We do not really know how to express our sadness.  We do not have room for our negative experiences in the church.  We tend to think that we should wear the same mask for all occasions.  We are afraid that if we respond in a negative way, we will be moving away from God.  But it is OK for our responses to change as our seasons of life do. For we know there is One who remains constant throughout our changing seasons.  He is the one to whom we can go not only in times of thanksgiving and stability but also in times of lament.

Our seasons change, as our responses do, but God remains our God.  He is our God not only when we are OK, but also when we are not OK.  We need not be afraid that our response may not glorify God.  In a season of disorientation, it is OK to be sad.

In times of sadness, David was not ashamed to confess "For my life is spent with sorrow and my years with sighing" (Psalm 31 verse 10).  In the midst of sadness David cried out "How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?" (Psalm 13 verse 2) 

The psalmist also knows times of loneliness: "I lie awake; I have become like a bird alone on a roof" (Psalm 102 verse 7)  Think of that image for a moment.  Sociologists tell us that the number of old people will continue to increase because of the rise in life expectancy.  Unfortunately however, "older people have no real place in modern family."

Psalm 71 verse 9 "Do not cast me away when I am old, do not forsake me when my strength is gone."

Jesus knew what it means to be filled with joy:

"At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned and revealed them to little children, Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do." (Luke 10 verse 21)

But although Jesus could identify with the season of new orientation, he also had times when he was sad.  We can say he knew the sadness that the saddest person in the world experiences.  He knew deeply what it means to be sorrowful:

"He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him and he began to be sorrowful and troubled." (Matthew 26 verse 37)

This was in the Garden of Gethsemane, where Jesus confessed to his disciples, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death" (verse 38).  But Luke tells us that even earlier, as Jesus anticipated his Gethsemane experience and the cross, he was already in distress: "But I have a baptism to undergo and how distressed I am until it is completed!" (Luke 12 verse 50)

Psychologists tell us that healthy people have a broad range of emotions.  They have the ability to feel joyful, sad, angry or mad, down or afraid.  But they do not get stuck with one emotion.  If you look at Jesus, you will see someone whose emotions are as broad as life itself.  He

• shed tears (Luke 19 verse 41)
• was filled with joy (Luke 10 verse 21)
• grieved (Mark 14 verse 34)
• was angry (Mark 3 verse 5)
• got frustrated (Matthew 17 verse 17; Mark 8 verse 21)
• was overwhelmed with sadness (Matthew 26 verse 37)
• felt sorrow (Luke 7 verse 13)
• showed astonishment and wonder (Mark 6 verse 6; Luke 7 verse 9)
• felt distress (Luke 12 verse 50) - distressed over, going through Gethsemane and the cross)

Jesus himself went through the three seasons we have looked at, and he responded not just in one way, but in many.  

There is one psalm where all 3 seasons are present - Psalm 30.

Orientation (verses 6 and 7a)

"As for me, I said in my prosperity, 'I shall never be moved.' By your favour, O LORD, you had established me as a strong mountain."

Disorientation (verses 7b - 10)

You hid your face; I was dismayed.  To you, O LORD, I cried, and to the LORD I made supplication: 'What profit is there in my death, if I go down to the Pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it tell of your faithfulness? Hear, O LORD, and be gracious to me! O LORD be my helper!"

New Orientation (verse 11)

"You have turned my mourning into dancing; You have taken off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy."

Observe the different experiences in each of the 3 seasons, and the differing responses.  In the season of orientation, there is a sense of stability because of the Lord's goodness.  This is suddenly shattered by the experience of disorientation in verse 7b.  Note that the shift from orientation to disorientation takes place in just a half verse.  The psalmist now cries out to the Lord as he feels close to the grave.  But then comes the joy that the season of new orientation brings.  Looking at these 3 seasons, pause and ask yourself, "Which season am I in today?"  Is it the season of orientation, new orientation, or disorientation?

When we go through the different seasons of our life, it is important that we be present where we are so that we will receive whatever gifts our experience may bring us.

Sadness makes our hearts more compassionate and gentle towards others who are suffering.  If we have never experienced what it means to be sad and lonely, how will we understand what old people feel?  How can we identify with the sadness of children living on the streets, who in the coldness of the night and the heat of the day keep wishing someone would care?  How can we enter into the experience of those who have gone through severe marital difficulties?  How will we know what it means to be sick for 10 years with no one visiting you?

It is when we are present in our disorientation that our experience of new orientation becomes meaningful.  Our experience of joy is directly related to our experience of loneliness and sadness.

Chapter 5 - It's OK to Cry

Today the practice of mourning is lost and is even considered inappropriate in some Christian traditions.  This is especially true if the one who died is a believer, more so if he is a pastor or a prominent leader.  We feel that we don't need to mourn.  We reason that he is now with the Lord and so is in a more blessed state.  So why mourn?  

When we are with loved ones who are still unbelievers, we want to show them we are OK because we are Christians.  These days, it is common to see funeral services being used by Christians as opportunities for evangelism and witnessing.  The focus is not mourning - if there is mourning at all. Why we are ashamed to cry?  Why are we ashamed to cry when our Master himself did not care if people saw or heard him weep over the death of his friend Lazarus?  "Jesus wept" the bible tells us.  There is something in these 2 words - this verse - that calls our attention.  John 11 verse 35 is the shortest verse in the bible.  Maybe the one who put the verse numbers of the bible knew he had to pause when he read those two words.  Maybe he felt something.  That may have been the reason why he isolated those words "Jesus wept".  It could be that he was so moved by the story that he dropped what he was doing and wept too.

Even in the Old Testament, God is presented as one who is in pain (Hosea 11 verse 8 and Numbers 14 verse 11).  The Japanese theologian Kazoh Kitamori speaks about the "pain of God" in the Old Testament.  "The heart of the gospel" writes Kitamori, "was revealed to me as the pain of God."  That's the reason why the prophet Jeremiah was not afraid to shed tears. It was because he knew the pain of God.  Only those who know how to cry can understand the heart of God.

If this is the case, then why is there an absence of mourning in our churches today?

A major part of the reason comes from how we understand certain passages in the New Testament.  These passages, taken on their own as sweeping statements, can mean there is no more need for mourning.  Foremost among these are passages teaching that God is in control and that he is good all the time.  If God is in control and is good, then why mourn when you experience calamity, an accident, or even the loss of a loved one?  Our sufferings make us stronger (James 1 verse 2 - 4) and God works in all things for our good (Romans 8 verse 28).  "Whatever your circumstances, and however difficult they may be, the truth is that they are ordained by God for you as part of his overall plan for your life.  God does nothing, or allows nothing, without a purpose.  And his purposes, however mysterious and inscrutable they may be to us, are always for his glory and our ultimate good".  Thus instead of mourning, Christians supposedly should thank the Lord (1 Thessalonians 5 verse 18).

Second is the teaching to "rejoice in the Lord always" (Philippians 4 verse 4).  So why do we have to mourn?  Someone even said that if we do not rejoice we are actually sinning: "Joy is a command.  Joylessness is a serious sin."  Moreover we also find passages that tell us that those who suffer because of persecution should rejoice.  Didn't Jesus tell us to do so?  "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.  Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." (Matthew 5 verses 11 and 12)  That is what Paul and Silas were doing in Acts 16 verse 25 "About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God and the other prisoners were listening to them."  While they were in prison, they were singing songs.

• Does the truth that God is in control and that he works in everything for the good of these who are called by him and love him mean we will no longer have to mourn?
• Is it a sign of weak faith to mourn the loss of our loved ones?
• Does the command to "rejoice in the Lord always" means there must be no more mourning."
• When people are persecuted because of their faith, is it wrong for them to cry and weep?
• Is it a sign of weak faith when Christians mourn for their loved ones who have been martyred?

Joy does occupy a central place in the life of faith; it is an important quality of a growing Christian.  The traditional Christian teaching on rejoicing and trusting in God in any situation is based in the scriptures  Jesus came that we might have life and have it to the full (John 10 verse 10) and it is his desire that our joy be complete (John 15 verse 11).  Paul's instructions to rejoice in the Lord affirms this (Philippians 4 verse 4),

But we also see in the New Testament that the same Apostle Paul who commands us to rejoice in the Lord also encourages us to "mourn with those who mourn" even as he instructs us to "rejoice with those who rejoice" (Romans 12 verse 15).  He exhorts us to "carry each other's burdens" (Galatians 6 verse 2) and to "encourage one another" (1 Thessalonians  verse 11).  This means that even though Paul commands Christians to rejoice always, he understands that there will be times when they will have to mourn.  If we are encouraged to mourn with those who mourn, how much more for our own losses, like the death of our own loved one?  Even Jesus wept when his friend Lazarus died (John 11).

The problem begins when we take one command given in a particular context and apply it to all situations of our life.  This happens when a word given in a season of orientation or new orientation is applied even to times of disorientation.  We actually find an equivalent of Philippians 4 verse 4 ("rejoice in the Lord always") in the Psalms.  David declares in Psalm 34 verse 1 "I will bless the Lord at all times."  But in the very next psalm, David is already weeping "Yet when they were ill, I put on sackcloth and humbled myself with fasting.  When my prayers returned to me unanswered, I went about mourning a though for my friend or brother.  I bowed my head in grief as though weeping for my mother" (Psalm 35 verses 13 and 14).

Another problem is we go to the extreme of thinking that rejoicing is not possible if there is mourning  Although Jesus said, "rejoice when people persecute you" he did not say "Do not weep or cry when people persecute you."  Jesus tells his own disciples that they will weep.  When Jesus talks about the fullness of life (John 10 verse 10), we may interpret this to mean a life that manifests a broad range of human emotions.  The emotional life of Jesus is an example of this.

OK to mourn the loss of a loved one.  

When we weep or mourn for our loved one, this does not mean that our faith is weak.  If our departed loved one is a believer, our mourning does not mean that we doubt the destiny of his or her soul.  We mourn because we miss our dear brother or sister.  We mourn because we know we will not see our loved one again for some time.  Psychologist Bruce Narramore said it was only because of his years as a counselor that he understood the meaning of "Blessed are those who mourn".  He realised that the reason why he mourns with those who mourn is because he loves them.  The other side of sadness is love.

Many who have lost a spouse say they feel paralysed.  This experience is part of mourning and people who say this are just being honest about what they truly feel.  It is natural and allowing yourself to be natural may be what is needed at the moment.  

Grieving is the single most important thing we do to experience the healing of broken emotions.  Without properly grieving or mourning our suffering there will be no restoration.  That is why we find a lot of crying and weeping in the bible.  Even the macho man David cried too and quite a lot at that!

• Psalm 3 verse 4 "To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill."  We usually hear women crying aloud or wailing.  But for a man to cry aloud - that is really something.  here we find David doing just that.  In his next prayers, we hear him crying again.
• Psalm 5 verse 2 "Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray."
• Psalm 17 verse 1 "Hear O LORD, my righteous plea; listen to my cry."
• Psalm 22 verse 2 "O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night and am not silent."

"Men don't cry" we often hear.  Maybe that's one reason why more men than women die of heart attacks.  Even after the death of a loved one, a man, especially if he is the eldest in the family, will not cry.  He will do everything to maintain his "composure".  He feels that he should give courage to the rest of the family.  So he holds his tears within himself.

David does not hold his tears, he lets them flow.  But more than that, he cries to the Lord.  That is very important.  A lot of people today are crying, but they feel they are crying alone, with no-one to listen to their cries.  David cries, he weeps, but he knows he is not alone.  He knows the Lord is listening to him.  And so to the Lord he turns "I cry out to God Most High." (Psalm 57 verse 2)

And as David pours out his heart to the Lord, something happens within him, enabling him to look into his trouble.  He gathers enough courage to confront his situation.  His vision becomes clearer as his eyes are washed with tears.

In Psalm 57 verse 4 David was able to capture what he felt about his situation:

"I am in the midst of lions; I lie among ravenous beasts - men whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords."

David was able to name his situation.  Psychologists tells us that the ability to name our struggle is an important step towards our restoration.  The use of imagery involving lions and ravenous beasts helped David express what he felt about his circumstances.  It helped him establish some control over his situation because how he had a "name" for it.

A helpful exercise is to give a name or description for our pain.

Psychologist James Whitehead explains: "Healing begins when I give myself back my pain."  Naming the pain - "what we called a happy family was not" - rescues his past from oblivion.  The pretence of a happy family and the distortion demanded to protect this illusion fall away.  "I make myself real."

Whitehead continues "Mourning is the work of grief.  If we refuse the work of mourning our grief will consume us.  But when we mourn, we begin to transform pain into suffering - a sorrow that will enrich instead of cripple."

It was when David poured out his heart and confronted his situation by naming it that he experienced restoration.  In the midst of all his troubles he was able to shout: "Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth." (Psalm 57 verses 5 and 11)

David's experience - that of flowing from tears to exaltation - is a miniature depiction of the overall movement of the life of faith.  We will also experience joy and exaltation.

"I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices.  You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.  A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.  So with you: 'Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice and no one will take away your joy.'" (John 16 verses 20 - 22)

Mothers can readily identify with the words of Jesus here.  They know how painful the process of giving birth is.  But it is the experience of holding their baby after the painful process of delivery that makes them forget their pain.  This illustrates our present and future experiences.  we will rejoice in the future, but in the present we will "weep and mourn while the world rejoices."

In a world that constantly rejects God's rule and his kingdom, God's people will inevitably mourn.  In a society that continues to reject its creator, we will mourn.  And this is OK.  Jesus actually calls those who mourn, "blessed".  "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" (Matthew 5 verse 4).  It is those who mourn who will be comforted.

Mourning for what?  Matthew 5 verse 4 does not say what things the people here are mourning about, or what the cause of their mourning is.  We can infer that mourning here comes as a result of the believers' desire to live righteously in the midst of a corrupt and evil world  In their desire to do what is right, Christians will struggle.  They will mourn.  They will be like "resident aliens", always going against the tide.  That is the experience of the psalmist: "My eyes shed streams of tears, because people do not keep your law" (Psalm 119 verse 136).  The apostle Paul too is full of tears as he recalls how many live as enemies of the gospel: "For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ." (Philippians 3 verse 18)  Talk about the weeping Paul.  Yes, it is the same man who commands us to "rejoice in the Lord always".  But here we find him in tears too.

How about Christians who are persecuted and the loved ones of those who have been martyred?  Is it all right for them to mourn?  I think so.  The reality is that even though Jesus tells us to rejoice when we are persecuted, we also find occasions in the bible and in our present day when persecuted Christians cried and mourned.

When we turn to the bible we find the mourning of those who are persecuted or facing martyrdom.  Revelation gives us a glimpse of the experience of people who have been martyred.  They are crying out to God:

"When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the witness they had borne.  They cried out with a loud voice, 'O Sovereign Lord, holy and true, how long before you will judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?" (Revelation 6 verses 9 and 10)

The cry "how long" in Revelation 6 also recalls the similar cry in the lament psalms, like the one in Psalm 13 verses 1 and 2:

"How long, LORD? will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heat? How long will my enemy triumph over me?"

The passage in Revelation tells us that persecuted believers mourn too.  The martyrs in the book of Revelation are crying out to God for justice and vindication.  And it is OK.  They know they have suffered for Christ; they have lost their lives for him.  And yet, here they are crying out to God in a cry of lament.

Serving the Lord and doing his will is certainly not easy; it involves great sacrifice.  And there will be times when we will mourn.  We will cry.  The apostle Paul tells us how he served the Lord with tears: "I served the Lord with great humility and with tears ... for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day and tears" (Acts 20 verse 19, 31; cf 2 Corinthians 2 verse 4).  The tears here do not explicitly mean that Paul was mourning.  But as an apostle and a missionary pastor, Paul is telling us that he himself has gone through a lot of suffering.  As he writes to the church in Corinth, "We do not want you to be uninformed, brother, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia.  We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life." (2 Corinthians 1 verse 8)  He "despaired even of life".  In addition to all these, Paul tells us how his concern for the churches often brought him anxiety (2 Corinthians 11 verse 28).

Thus, in various ways and often as a result of our striving to serve the Lord in a broken world, we will mourn.  We will weep for the loss of our loved ones.  We will grieve for the injustice and evil in our world.  We will cry out because of our experiences of persecution.  And it is OK.

The overall movement of the life of faith is towards joy and peace, rejoicing and celebration. Our lives should be marked with joy.  But there are times when we find ourselves at the opposite end - weeping, agonizing, crying, mourning, groaning.  Yet the amazing thing is that our God is with us even in the dark and lonely places.  In the same way that the Spirit helps us in our weaknesses when we do not know how to pray, the Spirit also stays with us in our struggles to find our way towards joy and peace.  "The Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." (Romans 8 verse 26).  it is remarkable that Romans 8 verse 26 tells us that the Spirit "intercedes for us with groans."  God is with us in our brokenness.  And the book of Revelation tells us that one day, when the new heaven and the new earth come, "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes" (Revelation 21 verse 4)  The fact that God will wipe away our tears indicates that before that great day, God's people will cry .. they will mourn.  They will mourn even though they know God is in control.  If you do not have any tears in your eyes what will Jesus wipe away when he comes?

We live in a broken world.  Like the rest of humanity.  Christians are vulnerable to sickness, violence, calamity and the evil in society.  There is no such thing as immunity from pain.  The truth that God is in control does not mean we will no longer mourn over our sufferings arising from living in a broken world.  The truth of God being in control and working together in all things for our good (Romans 8 verse 28) does not negate the experience of mourning or crying.  It does not mean that everything will be smooth and easy.  God often accomplishes his plans through difficult and challenging situations, as we can see in the story of Joseph.

The story of Joseph in the book of Genesis is a classic illustration of the truth in Romans 8 verse 28.  God revealed his plan for Joseph in a dream.  He dreamed one night that the sheaves of his brothers were all bowing down before his sheaf.  Whatever the meaning of this dream may have been, we now know that God had a great plan for this young man.

His brothers would have killed him, had it not been for his brother Reuben who protected him.  What his brothers did to Joseph was actually worse than killing him.  They sold him as a slave and later told their father that he was already dead, having been killed by some ferocious animal.  Joseph later found himself a slave in Egypt.  Here, he was in one of the most difficult situations in his life - he is a foreigner with no name, no rights, no future, no worth.  Yet we are told in Genesis 39 - precisely at the lowest point in his life - that "the LORD was with Joseph".  This phrase occurs 4 times in this chapter - twice when he was sold as a slave to Potiphar (verses 2 and 3) and twice when he was unjustly imprisoned for an act he did not commit (verses 21, 23).  This was when Mrs Potiphar accused him of attempting to rape her, when in fact it was she who had wanted to take advantage of the young Israelite slave.

Here is a clear example of the truth in Romans 8 verse 28.  God worked out his plan even through the difficult experiences and suffering of Joseph.  Years later, Joseph would tell his brothers; "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives" (Genesis 50 verse 20).  Thus, like the ending in a fairy tale, we find Joseph rising from the depths of the pit to the right hand of Pharaoh.  Pharaoh actually gives Joseph charge over the whole of Egypt.

Didn't Joseph feel lonely, angry or depressed?"  There is nothing in these chapters about his reaction.  But a closer reading of the chapters that follow reveals the deeper reality of the pain and hurt Joseph experienced through all those years in Egypt.  This we begin to see when he was in prison, where two of Pharaoh's officials had also been sent.  The 2 officials had each had dreams that Joseph was able to interpret.  Knowing that the chief cupbearer would be restored to his position, Joseph requested, "Only remember me, when it is well with you and please do me the kindness to mention me to Pharaoh, and so get me out of this house." (Genesis 40 verse 14)  Joseph also confided to the cupbearer his experience, "For I was indeed stolen out of the land of the Hebrews, and here also I have done nothing that they should put me into the pit." (verse 15)  This was not what had happened to Joseph.  He had not been "stolen".  But I think his version of the story highlights the sense of violence Joseph felt as a result of what his brothers had done to him.

The chief cupbearer, unfortunately, forgot about Joseph.  And for 2 years Joseph waited desperately.  No doubt he also cried - the man whom he had hoped would help him get out of that dark prison had forgotten about him.  It had to take 2 more years and another dream, this time of Pharaoh himself, for the cupbearer to realise his serious lapse.

Later, in Genesis 41, we get another glimpse of the deep pain Joseph must have felt throughout those early years in Egypt.  The names he gave his 2 sons - Manasseh and Ephraim - are names that reflect Joseph's feelings of all that had happened to him.  "Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh, "For" he said, "God has made me forget all my hardship and all my father's house."  The name of the second he called Ephraim, "For God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction" (Genesis 41 verses 51 and 52).  Notice the names he gave his 2 children; they are names that describe his experience - "all my hardship" and "affliction".

And then when Joseph finally met his brothers again, he was all tears.  Joseph wept 7 times - Genesis 42 verse 24; 3 verse 30; 45 verse 2; 45 verse 14; 46 verse 29; 50 verse 1 and 50 verse 17.  He seems the most emotional of the patriarchs  Tears are very powerful expressions of what's within our hearts.  The psalmist says, "My tears have been my food day and night" (Psalm 42 verse 3).  The tears of Joseph can mean a myriad of things - they could have been tears of joy upon seeing his family.  But they could have also been tears of pain and agony for the rejection and abandonment he had suffered from those closest to him, and for all the injustices he had experienced.  Joseph wept when he first saw his brothers, especially his own brother Benjamin; when he revealed himself to them, reminding them of what they had actually done to him - "I am your brother Joseph, whom you sold."  For all the neatness and clarity of the fulfillment of God's plan for Joseph, not everything was tidy after all.  Indeed the story of Joseph tells us that the fulfillment of God's plan in our lives does not mean that everything will be all right.  There will be times when it will really hurt, when we will, in fact, mourn.

There are times when God wants you to just cry.  

Some people stop themselves from crying because it can make them feel vulnerable to whatever it is they are afraid of.  What they do not realise, however, is that it's OK to be afraid of.

Chapter 6 - It's OK to be Afraid

Fear like any emotion can turn into a destructive force.  Sadness can turn to depression, anger can turn to bitterness and fear can paralyze us.  There is no question about it; all of us have our own fears.

Psychologists tell us 2 common fears are the fear of rejection and the fear of failure.  The 2 are actually related.  Some people hide their true selves because they are afraid that if others get to know who they really are, they will be rejected.  This would be the ultimate failure.  Many avoid taking risks because success cannot be guaranteed - they are afraid of the hopelessness and disappointment that failure may bring.

We all have our fears.  But as Christians, is it all right for us to be afraid?  Is it a sign of weak faith when we are afraid?  Should we admit being afraid?

The words "do not be afraid" occur many times in the bible - they are mentioned around 100 times.  So why be afraid? Won't we be violating this command if we allow ourselves to be afraid?

When we turn to to our bible, we realise that many of God's people - including some of the best known leaders in the bible - experienced feeling afraid.

Moses is one such example.  Wishing to make a difference, the young Moses one day tried to save an Israelite, and ended up murdering an Egyptian.  The problem was that others came to know about his crime.  And when Moses realised this he became so afraid that he ran for his life - and never went back to Egypt for 40 long years.  It was at the end of those years when God called Moses.  In a desert far away, on what is known as the mountain of God, the Lord called to him from a burning bush.  "Moses, Moses" God said.  Naturally, Moses was afraid.  God told him not to come near, for the place he was standing on was holy ground.  God then introduced himself as "the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob."  He told Moses that he had seen and felt what the Israelites were going through, and that he was concerned about them (Exodus 3 verses 6 to 9)

Moses was all ears, and didn't say a word during God's rather long introductory speech ... until God said, "So now, go I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt." (Exodus 3 verse 10)  When Moses heard these words, he suddenly spoke up, like a student in class raising his hand to call the attention of the teacher.  "Who am I" he said to God, "I don't know how to speak".  This was his first excuse in a series of excuses,  God answered all his excuses one by one.  And finally, running out of excuses, Moses told God, "Send someone else."

We may ask, "Why did Moses respond as he did?"  Was he still afraid of the people who knew about his crime?  After 40 years  Or was he more afraid that he would be a failure as a leader?  Exodus 3 and 4 show us that Moses was hesitant to obey God because he was afraid.  When he heard that God was sending him back to Egypt, all his old fears were suddenly unleashed, like a rushing river engulfing him.

Well, God has his own way, Moses eventually became the leader of the Israelites.  In fact he became one of Israel's greatest and most revered leaders.  But even as a leader he still experienced being afraid.  Remember that time when the Egyptians were pursuing the Israelites?  Gods people found themselves trapped because they were surrounded by mountains with the Red Sea lying before them.  I tell you, the Israelites were afraid to the max; they started crying and blaming Moses (Exodus 14 verse 10 - 12).  What did Moses tell them?  Like a strong leader, Moses stood up and said to the people.

"Fear not, stand firm and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today.  For the egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again.  The LORD will fight for you an you have only to be silent." Exodus 14 verses 13 and 14)

Moses was very much in control, with no fear at all.  Yet the very next verse tells us that Moses was crying.  God had to tell him to stop crying, to move on and to lead the people - "Why do you cry to me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward" (verse 15).  That's how leaders usually behave.  In front of their members, they appear strong, but inside they are crying.  They are afraid.

The prophet Jeremiah also knew how it was to be afraid.  And why wouldn't he be?  God called him during a time when people listened only to leaders who were elderly and had white hair.  Jeremiah was still very young.  And so God had to tell him, "Do not say, I am only a child ... Do not be afraid." (Jeremiah 1 verses 7 and 8)

The earthly father of Jesus, Joseph was also afraid when confronted with a difficult situation.  Mary, his wife-to-be, was already pregnant, even though their marriage had not yet been consummated.  And angel of the Lord had to tell Joseph, "Do not be afraid."

The high priest Zechariah was afraid (Luke 1 verse 13) and so was John, the author of the book of Revelation.  John tells us in Revelation 1 verse 17 "When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead.  Then he placed his right hand on me and said, "Do not be afraid."

"Do not be afraid"  Why are these words repeated so often in the bible?  This is simply because people in the bible often found themselves afraid.  This also explains why one of the most common descriptions of God in the Psalms is "refuge" or "rock".  People found themselves in trouble and they wanted to hide.  Fear is a common experience in the bible.  God's people, including leaders, prophets, priests and apostles, often felt afraid. Fear is a very common experience not only in the bible but even today.

People are fearful.  We just don't want to admit it because we think it is not OK to be afraid.  We feel that when we are afraid, we are violating the command "do not fear" in the bible.  And so we try our best not to be afraid, not to show fear even when we are already afraid.

When God says "do not be afraid" it is not like the other commandments in the bible, like "do not murder" or "do not steal".  If we look at the places in the bible where these 4 words occur, we will find that they were given in situations where God's people needed assurance of God's presence or some form of encouragement.  Indeed, we can say the words "do not fear" are equivalent to the words "i am here."

When God says "do not fear" he is not giving a command, he is encouraging his people.  He is not rebuking his people or scolding them for being afraid.  He knows and understands that they are afraid.  God knows we are but dust and are limited.  That is why we find passages that contain the encouragement "do not fear" without any reference to the people being afraid.  When God says to us, "do not be afraid" he is telling us, "I understand what you are going through, I know you are afraid.  But don't be.  I am here."

To be afraid, therefore, is not in itself a sign of weak faith. To be afraid is, in some sense, "good" because we open up ourselves to God's help and to that of others as well.  

We usually think the best position is the position of power, of being in control.  But the best position is actually the position of need, for it is when we are not in control, when we feel helpless, that we have more opportunity to experience the power of God.  But how can we experience God's power when we are not willing to admit our imitations?

It is when we deny our fear that we shut the door to God and to others.  As psychologist Henry Cloud explains:

Denying fear keeps us out of touch with our humble position in the universe and keeps us away from God.  it is our fear and lack of control over much of life that lead us to our heavenly Father, we must be in touch with our fears to get in a position of need.  Fear gets us in touch with our very real vulnerability and it gets us in touch with our need for others and God.  Many times people treat others very insensitively because they are warding of their fears of being vulnerable.

That is one reason why we are afraid to admit we are down, to admit we are sad.  That is why some people do not cry - they want to show they are strong.  To admit we are afraid is to say we do not have control, so we fight against our fear.  

Fear can be a sign of pride, of an "I know it all" or "I don't need your help" attitude.  We can, of course, also go to the other extreme of always confessing we are afraid and living our lives in fear every moment of the day.  This happens when we do not deal with our fear.

How then do we deal with our fear?

Rather than denying our fear, it is important for us to admit our feelings of fear to the Lord.  Rather than acting as if we are in control of a situation, let us admit that things are beyond our control and that we are afraid.  Let us then bring to the situation to the Lord.  God knows us as we are and understands every entanglement we go through.  He is very willing to journey with us in any fearful experience we may have - even "through the valley of the shadow of death."

Wasn't David the one who said, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23 verse 4)?  David was also the one who courageously killed Goliath, wasn't he?  Yet, amazingly, we also find the following words ascribed to him:

"My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me.  Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me.  I said 'Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest - I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I would hurry to place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.'" (Psalm 55 verses 4 - 8)

David was a great and courageous leader who was not afraid to admit that he was afraid: "The terrors of death assail me.  Fear and trembling have beset me."  He trembled.  But because he acknowledged that he was afraid, he became open to his need for God.  That is why at the beginning of this psalm David says to the Lord, "Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me.  My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught" (Psalm 55 verses 1 and 2)  He tells God, Fear and trembling have come upon me."  This is what David seems to be saying: "I am so afraid, God.  I feel I am going to die."  He wishes he could just suddenly vanish and be somewhere else - and he expresses this openly. He says "Oh that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest - I would flee far away ... I would hurry to my place to shelter, far from the tempest and storm." (Psalm 55 verses 6 - 8)

When David described or "named" his situation, he was able to move beyond his experience of despair.  The metaphor of a dove flying far away speaks of David's own desire.  And by being able to express this, he had, in some sense, advanced in his dealing with his fear.

Jacob was a man who would do anything to get what he wants.  He is also a man of many fears.  Foremost among these is his fear of his brother Esau.  20 years before Jacob fled his home because he had fooled his father Isaac into giving him the blessing meant for Esau.  When Esau became so angry at this that he wanted to kill Jacob, Jacob fled.  For 20 years he lived with his uncle Laban.  During that time, he married Leah and Rachel and accumulated some wealth.  But like many of us who have lived abroad, Jacob felt the need to go back home.  And so he proceeded to make his way back to his father's land.  But going back meant confronting old issues.  And this was not easy.  Jacob knew he would have to face Esau - the person he feared.  And one memorable night, Jacob heard a report that Esau was coming towards him with 400 men.  Jacob was really afraid then!  Rather than denying his fear, however, he admitted it.  He went to God and prayed one of the longest prayers in Genesis:

"Then Jacob prayed, "O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O Lord, who said to me, 'Go back to your country and your relatives and I will make you prosper,' I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant.  I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups.  Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children." (Genesis 32 verses 9 to 11

For men like Jacob and David to admit "I am afraid" is really something.  It's not a sign of weakness.  Far from it.  On the contrary, such an admission is a sign of courage - both men were able to confront their fear by admitting it.  

The amazing thing is that when we go to the Lord in prayer, acknowledge our fear, and confront it by giving it a name, God opens our eyes.  We are made able to see the one who has really been in control of everything all along.  David later declared in Psalm 55 verse 19 "God who is enthroned forever, will hear them and afflict them ..."  In the same way that in Psalm 57 he was able to sing, "Be exalted, O God above the heavens" so here in Psalm 55 he gets a glimpse of the Lord's power.  He is in control.  God is still on his throne.

Part of the reason we are afraid is because we feel we no longer have any control.  So some of us become control freaks.  We cannot rest until everything is sorted, until there are no more loose ends.  In the end, however, we can never actually rest because there will always be something beyond our control.  It's different with the Lord.  He is the one who is in control.  And it is only when we learn to acknowledge our fear in his presence and learn to trust him that we experience his rest and his peace.

It is not surprising that one of the last verses of Psalm 55 contains the words cited later in 1 Peter 5 verse 7 "Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you" (Psalm 55 verse 22). After the encouraging words in Psalm 55 verse 22 "Cast your cares on the LORD", we find in the following verse these words: "But you O God, will bring down the wicked into the pit of corruption: Bloodthirsty and deceitful men will not live out half their days.  But as for me, I trust in you." (Psalm 55 verse 23).

Chapter 7 - It's OK to Struggle

Many of us struggle financially.   Depression and emptiness are serious problems that some of the rich struggle with, especially in First World countries.  Even some things we take for granted here can be a big issue in richer countries. 

The reality is that both the rich and the poor have struggles in life.  Some struggle with poverty and material suffering; others with emotional and psychological issues.  While some may argue that one is better than the other, the point is that we all struggle with something.  The dictionary defines the verb "to struggle" as "to make a hard effort to deal with a challenge or problem or difficulty."  In that sense all of us are struggling.  We all have a hard time with something or some things.  We all struggle.

When we open our bibles we discover that even God's people struggle.  They are also crying "But I am poor and needy; hasten to me, O God!""  You are my help and my deliverer, O LORD, do not delay." (Psalm 70 verse 5)  Hearing the words of the psalmist makes us realise we are not alone.  Many of God's people are also poor.  Yet it is because they are poor and very much in need that they come to God asking for his mercy and help.

When we are in a situation of need, we have more opportunity to cry out to God.  When you work very hard and still nothing happens, then you have more opportunity to depend on God and in the process, experience his power.  You know in your heart what the psalmist is speaking about when he says, "The eyes of all look to you and you give them their food at the proper time." (Psalm 145 verse 15).  We know how the psalmist feels when he says "I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from?  My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth." (Psalm 121 verses 1 and 2)

"Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD" is one of the prayers in the Psalms that resonates with our own experience, not only when we struggle with material problems but also when we struggle with emotional problems, with our inner pain and suffering  People from other backgrounds may have problems different from the ones we face, but they also know what it is like to deeply struggle.

The bible speaks also of emotional struggles.  Tired and spilled out, David cries "I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my cough with tears" (Psalm 6 verse 6)  He can identify with the words of another psalmist, "My tears have been my food day and night" (Psalm 42 verse 3)  David's experience was not a one time event.  He also tells us how he struggled with sadness and sorrow, how he struggled with his thoughts, "How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?" (Psalm 13 verse 2)  After thinking and thinking about a problem, many of us have experienced feeling as if our minds are overused and tired.  It was the same with David as he kept thinking of how to solve his problems.  He felt sad and tired, and he complained, "How long?"  He repeats these words a number of times.

When people during ancient times asked "How long?" they were referring to a really long time, unlike today when 2 minutes is already too long when we are in front of our computers.  "How long?" in ancient times meant year, not just days or weeks.

But people in the bible don't just give up.  They keep on trying, just like the psalmist in Psalm 43/43 who repeats his prayer 3 times: "Why are you downcast, O my soul? ... Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God" (Psalm 42 verse 5, 11, 43 verse 5).  When the psalmist repeats his prayer, he is showing his struggle with finding inner peace, as well as his perseverance in seeking it.

Do you sometimes feel like that?  You feel sad and lonely.  You hope it will go away.  But after a while you realise the sadness and loneliness are still there.  You go to church.  Everyone is singing happy and joyful songs, but you find it hard to join in.  The songs sound almost strange to you, not touching your soul at all.

You hear people in church say "When you don't feel like praising God, you should praise him more."  So you try to praise the Lord with all our might. But you know you can't fool yourself forever.  It's not that you are bad or that you lack faith. It's just that, no matter how much you try, you still feel that same darkness hovering over you.  You tell yourself, I want to praise the Lord because God loves me.  So I should praise the Lord no matter what.  You try doing this a number of times.  But after some time you stop trying and you just sit down.

If were were to be honest many of us would admit that we are enduring deep and painful struggles.

Jesus struggled too.  During his most difficult hour he prayed to his Father, "Father, if it is possible let this cup pass away from me; But not my will but your will be done." (Matthew 26 verse 39)  He repeats this prayer 3 times.  He was about to face suffering and death, which he described as his "cup".  He brought his 3 closest friends (Peter, James and John) with him, just as we want our closest friends with us when we go through really difficult situations.  But Jesus had to leave his friends for a while to utter this prayer (there are paths only we can tread; not even our friends can join us).  The first time Jesus prayed, "Father, if it possible, let this cup pass away from me.  But not my will but your will be done," you would think the matter had been settled.  He returned to his disciples, however, found them sleeping, and then left them again, went back on his knees and prayed the same prayer.  And then all this happened once more - 3 times in total.  You can almost picture Jesus walking to and fro, repeatedly getting up and then kneeling down with his face to the ground.  He was having a really hard time.  He was struggling.

We like to think of Jesus facing his suffering peacefully and joyfully  There is an element of this, of course.  Hebrews 12 verse 2 tells us that Jesus "for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."  But we also know Jesus struggled.  And this in spite of the act that Jesus knew he was fulfilling the purpose for which he was sent. In Jesus's prayer at Gethsemane it was as if he was telling his Father:

Father I know we have talked about this in eternity.  I have agreed to be the Lamb to be slaughtered for the sins of humanity.  Recently, I have even prayed that you would be glorified through my death in the same way that I have glorified you through my ministry (John 17 verse 1).  But to be honest about it, it's really hard.  In fact, right now, I wish I did not have to walk this path.

Even as he adds in the end, "Not my will, but our will be done", Jesus had a really hard time.  This may shock some Christians who always equate maturity of faith to the absence of struggles  When we suffer we do not have to force ourselves to be joyful or serene; it's OK to struggle  The bible tells us that Jesus has been tempted just like us (Hebrews 4 verse 15).  And for many people, knowing this is a great encouragement.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin."

Because he has gone through the same experience, Jesus is able to sympathize with us in our weaknesses.

The apostle Paul reveals how he struggled with a weakness he had, which he calls his "thorn in the flesh".  The image of a "thorn" indicates this is something negative, like the negative emotions we have been talking about.  It is something we would not want to have if we had a choice  So difficult was this "thorn" for Paul, that he actually prayed for it to be taken away.  Like the psalmist and Jesus, Paul prayed 3 times about his "thorn in the flesh".  Clearly, Paul was really desperate.  To pray for something 3 times implies that one has exhausted all the possible means of finding relief.  To repeat one's prayer 3 times also shows that the person is struggling, as we have seen in the case of Jesus and the psalmist.

We know from his other letters that Paul asked for prayer (Ephesians 6 verses 19 and 20) and prayed for others as well (Philippians 1 verse 4); 1 Thessalonians 1 verse 2)  But this is the only occasion where Paul tells us he prayed for something 3 times.  Each time, Paul tells us his prayer was turned down.  The Lord, instead, answered Paul by telling him that his grace is sufficient, "for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12 verse 9).  In the end, Paul concedes that all this has been for his own good, in order that God's power may be declared through his weakness.  Knowing the purpose of his suffering may have lessened Paul's torment, but the reason for his struggles remained unknown to him.  Paul died a struggling apostle.

Paul's experiences sows that some struggles are for life.  Some struggles, of course, can be remedied or if not, lessened.  For instance, if a sin is causing our struggle, confession of our sin and changing our ways can allow us to experience freedom.  But there are struggles that will have to wait until we get to eternity to be sorted out.

But wait a minute, some may argue, why do we still have to struggle?  Are we not already justified by faith?  Didn't Paul tell us that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ" (Romans 8 verse 1)?  Jesus has already paid the price for our sins.  Didn't he declare on the cross "It is finished"?  So why do we still have to struggle?  Many of us can't understand what place struggles have in a life that has already been redeemed by the blood of Christ.

Some will say "the fight is over".  These people reason, we know God has already won the ultimate battle, so we no longer have to struggle.  No one has seen what will transpire at the end of time.  Even the apostle John, who wrote the book of Revelation, can only use images to describe to us what was revealed to him.  Words falter when we begin to describe the end, so it's not like we are watching it on replay.  We know God has won, but we do not know and understand exactly how and when.  That is why even the martyred people of God in the book of Revelation cry  out to the Lord, "How long?" (Revelation 6 verse 10)  We know God wins in the end, but our life in the meantime is certainly not struggle-free  It takes a lot of faith.  We do not even know what our resurrection body will look like, for none of us have been resurrected yet.

We know God wins in the end.  But there are times when we feel like that's not true anymore because we are being beaten and pushed back, and we fall while the crowd is shouting at us, taunting us.  Is it really true that we will win in the end?  We believe so.  But for the moment, we feel like we are being devastated.

The church is bombarded on all sides with tragedies of immorality, injustice, sufferings and exploitation.  we know god wins in the end.  But there are times - and for some the time may be now - when we don't see that end coming.  Some people even wonder if believers will ever truly win.

We only see glimpses of his poer and presence.  In some parts of the world it is God's absence that is felt.  Christians are a minority.  They are marginalied, persecuted excommunicated.

In places where the church is richer and more influential, Christians have a different kind of struggle - they wrestle with living as "rich Christians in an age of hunger".  What's more, they struggle to maintain their unity, harmony, and purity.  Their temptations and problems may be of a different quality, but they are just as great.

And so like the psalmist we call to God from the depths (Psalm 42 - "deep calls to deep").  We feel overwhelmed, not knowing where to go and what to do.  We sometimes wonder whether this struggling, small bunch of God's people will really come out victorious one day.  We believe we will.  In the parable of the mustard see, Jesus said that the kingdom of God on earth will one day be like a big tree, one whose branches are broad enough for birds of all kinds to build their nests there.

But that victory will happen "one day".  For now, we are caught "between the times".  We are in the midst of the tension between what we should be because of the dawning of the age to come resulting rom Christ's coming to earth and the present reality in which we find ourselves.  The glory of the coming kingdom dawned when Jesus came to earth.  But it is not yet completely here  It will only be when he comes again to earth in his glory  This makes us a people of future glory and at the same time, of present suffering.  We are simultaneously a people of the cross and of the resurrection.  We have already within us the firstfruits of eternity, yet we bear in our bodies the marks of suffering.

We often think like may have been easier for New Testament believers - and perhaps for us today - for the early Christians already had their hope in Jesus christ.  In Old Testament times, people did not have the promise of eternal life.  Our real situation as believers however regardless of when we live, is similar to th experience of the Shunammite woman in 2 Kings 4.  She was childless when the prophet Elisha met her.  Although her situation was far from ideal, she had learned to accept her lot.  So when Elisha told her she would have a son the following year, she said to him "No my LORD ... don't mislead your servant" (2 Kings 4 verse 16)  But true to the word of God through the prophet, the woman did get pregnant and bore a child.  It must have been a great time of celebration when such a miracle took place.  But a few years later, the child died.  This created even more agony for the woman than her suffering from being childless.  So she told Elisha, "Did I ask you for a son, my LORD? Didn't I tell you, 'Don't raise my hopes'?" (2 Kings 4 verse 28)

As believers, our hopes have indeed been raised because of the coming of Jesus Christ.  But for some of us, who are going through extreme difficulties the promises of future glory can feel like a big contradiction.  Thoughts of the promised future glory can become a tormenting experience when suffering believers realise what a huge gap there is between the promised glory and their present experience.  Of course, the future glory can bring hope to those who are suffering (Romans 8 verse 18) but such hope and comfort cannot be said to be readily felt and available all the time.  Especially for those undergoing severe emotional pain (like depression) or extreme persecution and loss, the tension between the future and the present can become so great that they can't help but cry out, "How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?" (Psalm 13 verse 1)  Those of us who minister to the suffering and those of us who suffer would do well to remember this point.

Just like the friends of Job, we can commit the mistake of offering advice and explanations rather than just sitting beside our friends to listen to them and allow them to express their pain.  I feel it may help a little if we understand more about the nature of the life of faith, which involves struggles of the most intense and difficult kind - even for believers.  Rather than offering false hopes to friends who are suffering, we can present them with the reality.  For it is only by confronting our reality that we experience freedom.  

"True faith is never merely a source of spiritual comfort.  It may indeed bring peace, but before it does so it must involve us in struggle.  A 'faith' that avoids this struggle is really a temptation against true faith."  Thomas Merton

Another reason why believers struggle is because, in the midst of the tension we are in, we are already in the process of moving towards the future glory.  This movement, as Merton explains, involves a struggle because we go through a process.  We know that even though we have already been justified by faith, we are still in the process of being changed.  Unfortunately we do not like being in a process.  A process involves steps.  It requires time.  In fact, it can be frustratingly slow - and some Christians want to grow really fast.

Some Christians wish there were some kind of capsule, a spiritual one, which they could take and then all their struggles would be gone!  They wish there were some kind of prayer of deliverance that could be uttered by a spiritual leader, a prayer that could free them from all weaknesses.   Some Christian groups actually think that all it takes to free a struggling believer from all troubles is some ritual of deliverance, and then everything will be OK.  In such rituals you literally vomit your weaknesses or whatever struggle you have.  In other groups you sweat them out.  How many times does a believer have to go through such "vomiting" sessions?

Processes of growth are part of the life of faith.  How quickly we turn from being a spiritual giant to being an ugly sinner.

How often do we feel frustrated that even after years of being a believer, we still struggle with the same old issues?  Why are we like this?

It is because although we have already been changed as a result of our union with Christ, the process of change has not yet been completed.  We know from 2 Corinthians 5 verse 17 that we have already been changed: "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, behold, the new has come."  Yet Paul also tells us that this change is still ongoing "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another" (2 Corinthians 3 verse 18)  Notice that the tense of the verb is not simple past "were transformed"), but present progressive ("being transformed"), meaning it is an ongoing process.  We are not yet fully changed we are still in process.

"Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator."

Paul tells us that as believers we have already "put on the new self".  So it is already new.  But he goes on to describe the nature of this "new self".  He says that this new self is "being renewed". God is not yet finished with us.

"Creatures of such instability, and liable to be borne away by a thousand different influences, we need to be confirmed again and again." John Calvin

Like Paul's experience in romans 7, there are times when we like to do the right thing but end up doing the very thing we do not want to do.  Paul writes "I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7 verse 15

As Christians we need to keep on living holy lives, by God's grace and grow in our walk with God.  This explains the numerous exhortations in the bible urging believers to live as God has called them (Romans 12 verses 1 and 2, Ephesians 4 verse 1)  At the same time, however, e need to be careful we do not go to the extent where we think we are not doing well whenever we fail.  Perfectionism, according to one spiritual writer, is one of the biggest hindrances to the life of faith: "For us there is only the trying, one step at a time ... Perfectionism, willfull striving for spiritual achievement and experience of complete spiritual wholeness are major obstacles to the spiritual journey."

Human life remains very much a process.  Indeed, to be human is to be partial, incomplete, undone.  We cry for help and get help.  Yet the next time around we are back on our knees, pleading for mercy that God deliver us.  And it is only in our ability to live with grace in our own imperfections that healing flows.

Inevitably we will all struggle.  We are like Jacob in the Old Testament.  Jacob we can say, was a born struggler.  Even before he came out of his mother's womb, he was already struggling with his twin brother Esau.  That was why he was called supplanter (Genesis 25 verse 26).  Jacob struggled with himself.  He struggled with his fear.  Jacob admitted to God that he was afraid (Genesis 32 verse 11).  He struggled with the issue of control.  He had just prayed and asked for help from God, but the next thing we know, he was orchestrating his own schemes to make sure he stayed safe.  He was about to meet his brother again after 20 years, but then he was told that Esau was coming to him with 400 men (Genesis 32 verse 6).    We can imagine Jacob trembling with fear.  He therefore thought of a stategy involving the proper "arrangement" of his men, including gifts to be given to Esau.  Next, he risked the lives of his own family by crossing the river Jabbok by night which according to some scholars is a fast-flowing river (Genesis 32 verses 22 and 23).  Only someone with a disturbed mind would try to cross it at night.

Given what Jacob had done many years back - getting the blessing meant for Esau through deception - we can understand why he was so afraid.  He was someone who constantly struggled with other people.  He struggled with his brother and later with his uncle.  But what is most remarkable about this man is that he not only struggled with himself and with other people he also struggled with God.  In that enigmatic encounter between Jacob and a heavenly being (Genesis 32 verses 22 - 32) whom the narrator later identifies as God himself, we see Jacob as the ultimate struggler.

We would think that as Jacob grew older, his struggles would decrease.  On the contrary, Jacob's struggles actually intensified as his journey progressed.  The first time God revealed himself to him was in a dream while he was asleep.  It was quiet and serene.  the next time Jacob encounters God - many years later - he was wide awake.  this encounter was far from serene; here, Jacob struggled with God himself.  For many of us, the more we grow in our relationship with God, the more challenging life seems and the deeper our struggles feel.  Struggles take on subtler forms as we progress in the faith.  There is no holding back for the faithful.  We struggle with fear, with experiences of being down.  We feel sad and cry.  Like Jacob we struggle with others, with issues of anger and rebellion.  And we struggle with God.  But in all our struggles, we do not retreat  We face our struggles.  We face our fears.  We admit our struggles with emotional and financial problems.  More importantly we come to God with our struggles.  Just like Jacob, we struggle with God.  And in his presence we are transformed, for we are not to let go until God blesses us.

Chapter 8 - It's OK to Be Angry

How do we deal with anger in such a way that it does not lead to hurting others or ourselves?

We should be honest about what we feel.  We need to unload the burden and pain we feel in our hearts.  But we don't have to express our anger to the ones who hurt us; at least, not right away. We must be careful about whom we share our angry feeling with, as few people can actually take it when we share our anger.

It is here that the lament psalms, especially those we traditionally call the "imprecatory psalms" can be of real help to us.  In these psalms, people express their anger to God in a way that is not censured, without any concern about whether they are "showing the fruit of Spirit" or not.  In voicing anger there is openness and honesty, which is often absent in many of our communities.

"Let death take my enemies by surprise; let them go down alive to the grave, for evil finds lodging among them." Psalm 55 verse 15

"May their eyes be darkened so they cannot see, and their backs be bent forever." Psalm 69 verse 23

"May they be blotted out of the book of life and not be listed with the righteous." Psalm 69 verse 28

"I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies." Psalm 139 verse 22

Are we not sinning against God when we express our anger this way?   You are probably saying, "I do get angry, but I have never wished my enemy dead."  Well, maybe not.  But honestly - don't we sometimes wish that those who hurt us will just be struck by lightning?  This sounds like the prayer in Psalm 55 verse 15, except that we do not say it out loud.  We think we shouldn't.  Even when we Christians are very angry, we do not say so - not even to God.  In fact, we even say nice things about those who hurt us in front of others and God.  We say things like "O Lord, bless him" even though in our hearts, we want to call down lightning to strike that person dead.

Not admitting to others that we are angry at someone is understandable, though not always right.  But hiding our anger from God, telling him we love the one we are angry with, even praying for God to bless him when we really hate that person - who are we fooling?  With others at least, we can hide our anger - they do not know what we really feel.  It's like being on social networking sites like Facebook where we can hide our true feelings - even our identities - and project any image of ourselves that we choose.  But with God we cannot do that; he knows us through and through.  "Before a word is on my tongue" the psalmist tells us, "you know it completely, O LORD" (Psalm 139 verse 4).  There is nothing we can hide from the Lord.  Adam and Eve tried doing that; they hid themselves with leaves, they tried to hide their sin.  But God knows.

When we say to the Lord, "Lord I love my brother/sister.  I pray that you bless him/her" and yet in fact we feel angry inside, then isn't that hypocrisy?  We know anger is sinful when we keep it too long within us that it turns into bitterness.  This too can be destructive, for it destroys the angry person.  And it can also destroy others, when it bursts just like an erupting volcano.  Unexpressed anger will always find a way out.

But anger can also be sinful when we deny it; when we say we are not angry when we actually are.  Some Christians will not admit they are angry, even though it is obvious among those around them that they are.  These people may be afraid to be angry, thinking that they need to obey the commands of Jesus - for doesn't Jesus command us to "love our enemies" and to "bless those who curse us, to bless and do not curse"?  Besides didn't the apostle John tells us in 1 John 3 verse 12 and 15 that one who hates his brother is like Cain - that he is a murderer?  And who would want to be tagged as a murderer?  This is probably one reason why many Christians do not want to admit they are angry; they cannot imagine themselves as murderers.  So they hide their anger within them, denying that it exists.  This way, they look nice to others and are able to maintain their relationships.  They also want to look nice and pious and loving before God, so in their prayers they pray nice things for those who have hurt them.  With such people, the problem is deeper than anger; it is pride.

I am not saying that we need to pray for something bad to happen to others - to pray that our enemies be struck by lightning.  What I am saying is that it does not help to be dishonest about what is really in our hearts.  God knows what is in our hearts anyway.  The very moment we ask God to bless those who have hurt us, the moment we tell him that we love them, God may already be saying "My dear daughter, I know what is in your heart.  It's all right, you can be honest with me".  For although we may be telling God nice things about others, we may be doing so with seething eyes and clenched teeth.  A better alternative is to go to God and honestly tell him what we feel, including what we want to happen to the person in question.  God is not a fool he will not do the harm that you are asking.  He will not send lightning to kill that person.  He is a loving and just God and he knows and understands that we may just be feeling angry at the moment.

It's not so much how God responds that is important here, but it is what happens to us when we are honest with him about what we truly feel.  For one thing, we are humbled.  Facing your anger is actually a humbling experience and this is not easy.  This is true especially for leaders who are known as models of loving others - it is not easy for them to allow anger.  Being honest about our anger with ourselves and with God can be a difficult process, but it is necessary.

Anger management experts advise us that when we are angry, we should take a deep breath and count one to ten to avoid unnecessary violent actions or sudden bursts of anger, the effects of which we will regret  I suggest that when we are angry, we come to God, tell him what is really in our hearts, and tell him what we feel.  Maybe we can take a deep breath and as we do so, we can utter our prayer.  You may ask, What do I say?  How do I pray?  Here the imprecatory prayers can help us.

The imprecatory psalms help us process our anger.  It is important to remember: As believers, we need to be loving.  Jesus commands us to love one another.  It is by loving one another that the world will know we are his disciples.  But we also know that loving others is not easy; it can be a long and difficult process.  What do we do when we feel angry with someone we know we are supposed to love?  Some Christians may cite the passage in Ephesisans 4 verse 26 that says we should not let the sun go down on our anger.  So even if we are not Ok, are we to just embrace one another and say that we are?  That may help momentarily but we would still need to deal with whatever issue we are facing.

What the lament psalms - the imprecatory psalms in particular - do is they help us process our anger by giving us permission to be angry.  The fact that these prayers have been preserved in the Holy Scriptures tells us they are there for a purpose.  Otherwise, they would have been stricken out of the Holy Book. These prayers tell us it's OK to be angry.  Its OK to express our anger to God.

Should we keep a record of wrongs?  Scripture has actually preserved a record of wrongs - of words of anger.  Why is that?  It think it is because God understands us and he appreciates it more when we are honest about what we truly feel, rather than when we deny our feelings.  When we come to him admitting how angry we are and even reaching the point where we utter really angry words to express our emotions, we are humbled but at the same time encourged that there is one who understands what we feel.

C S Lewis thought that the people who uttered the imprecatory prayers in the Psalms were sinning.  Some scholars do not think so.  We don't really know, though, for only God can see our hearts.  It is he who sees our inmost thoughts.  If those writers were indeed sinning when they uttered those prayers, however, then it is amazing that their prayers would even be allowed to be preserved in the Holy Scriptures!  The content of these prayers can be shocking for some.  But I think what this tells us is that we have a God who understands what we are going through.  He allows us to struggle.  It's OK to struggle.  What's more, he even allows us to be sinners - that is he allows us to approach him even as sinners for that is what we are.

I am not saying that he tolerates our remaining sinful or that he tolerates evil and sin.  But the fact is that there are times when no matter how much we try, the lingering power of sin is still there.  The problem arises when we are not allowed to admit to being sinners.  We are not allowed to be sinners in the church.  We pretend we are already OK when we actually are not.  In some Christian communities, you are not allowed to be weak; you are not encouraged to show your anger.  As a result, you feel alone.  You feel guilty when you hear stories of people who love those who have treated them badly.  But I would like to tell you that with the Lord you can be honest; you can be yourself and still be accepted.

But God also knows how difficult it is for us to be honest.  Similar to when we are down, it is not easy to find the words to express our sorrow, our fear, or our anger.  That is why the Lord provides us with the words in the bible - we can pray these words.  By providing us with words of prayer through the lament psalms, God challenges us to confront our own anger.  And as we do, as we pray these imprecatory prayers, our anger begins to have a "name".  Just like the experience of the writer in Psalm 57, when we are able to "name" our anger, we are able to somehow have control over it.  When we know we are angry, then we can deal with it, first in the presence of the Lord.

As we pour out our hearts in honesty to God about what we feel, we also become aware of our own hearts.  We realise we are not perfect, that we too are sinners.  That is why after the psalmist uttered words of hate in Psalm 139 verse 22 "I have nothing, but hatred for them; I count them my enemies he also prayed, "search me, O God and know my heart ... see if there is any offensive way in me" Psalm 139 verse 23 and 24).  That's one of the good things about being true to the Lord; the eyes of our heart are able to see beyond our anger towards the person we hate.  We become aware of our own heart, how we too are in need to God's mercy and grace.  We experience a change within us.

In a number of the lament psalms we notice this change.  We find this shift even in the most shocking imprecatory psalms in the bible - psalms like Psalm 109.

"May his days be few; may another take his place of leadership

May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow.

May his children be wandering beggars; may they be driven from their ruined homes.

May a creditor seize all he has; may strangers plunder the fruits of his labour.

May no one extend kindness to him or take pity on his fatherless children.

May his descendants be cut off, their names blotted out from the next generation." Psalm 109 verses 8 to 13

We find a change at the end of the psalm. We hear the following prayer:

"With my mouth I will greatly extol the LORD; in the great throng I will praise him. For he stands at the right hand of the needy one, to save his life from those who condemn him." Psalm 109 verses 30 to 31

By uttering this prayer and by being honest with God about what he feels, the psalmist feels at the end that there is someone who understands him, who feels what he feels: "For he stands at the right hand of the needy one" (Psalm 109 verse 31)  We all need someone to listen to us when we are angry; but we also know very few people who can take our anger.  The good news is that God can.  When we are honest with him, humbly acknowledging before him how angry we are, we experience a change within us.

We find this change in another psalm, Psalm 28.  Notice that in these verses the psalmist is uttering an imprecatory prayer, asking God to repay evil people for their deeds.

"Repay them for their deeds and for their evil work; repay them for what their hands have done and bring back up on them what they deserve.  Since they show no regard for the works of the LORD and what his hands have done, he will tear them down and never build them up again." (Psalm 28 verses 4 and 5)

Then immediately in the next verses, we hear the following words: 

Praise be to the LORD, for he has heard my cry for mercy ... My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song." Psalm 28 verses 6 and 7

How can you move from cursing to praising after just one verse?  How can you suddenly turn from being an angry person to become a praising person?  I think we have here another demonstration of how expressing our anger before God can create a change within us.  As we pour out our hearts to the Lord, something happens with us.  Of course, it doesn't happen instantly.  The verses in Psalm 28 may represent a long process of praying and being honest before God that the psalmist had to go through before he could reach the stage where he could move from his anger to seeing the greatness of God and blessing him.  As we pour out our anger to the Lord, our hearts are transformed and our eyes become clearer.  We are able to see better and hopefully are enabled to love our brother or sister in the process.

Maybe you are saying "That is easy for you to say because you have not experienced being a victim; you have not for instance, lost a family member as the result of someone else's violence."  It is one thing to pour out one's heart to the Lord in order to move from anger to love towards the other person; it is another to actually pray and wish that God would punish the wicked.

The bible actually contains prayers asking God to punish the wicked.  In addition to the prayer of Psalm 28 verses 4 and 5, we also find prayers similar ...

"Kill them not, lest my people forget; make them totter by your power and bring them down, O LORD, our shield!" Psalm 59 verse 11

"Break the arm of the wicked and evil man; call him to account for his wickedness that would not be found out." Psalm 10 verse 15

Surely God will bring you down to everlasting ruin; He will snatch you up and tear you from your tent; he will uproot you from the land of the living." Psalm 52 verse 5

These words may be shocking to some.  But the problem today is that we know only one type  of prayer - blessing.  Similar to our response towards tragedies when we continue to sing happy songs even in the midst of suffering, we only know of prayers of blessing.

It is much better to pray that God punish the wicked than to do it yourself.  Rather than take the law into your own hands go to the One who is righteous and just, and ask him to do something about the situation.

On the flip side, continually praying for blessing even when there is so much corruption may mean that we do not really care about what is happening.  We do not care that the wicked continue in their wicked ways.  We do not care about those who suffer as a result of their corruption.  I think it is important that we pause and realise what we are really saying in our prayers  What we say to God in our prayers reflects our own beliefs - they shape our understanding and direct our forms of engagement.  If we continue to pray that God will bless our government even when it is corrupt then that tells us something about our own view of what is right.  Some may say, "why don't we just pray that God transform our corrupt leaders?"  Well, praying that God bring them down is part of what it means for them to be transformed.

I think one reason why there is no change in our land is because we are not praying rightly; we tolerate the wrong - even perpetuating it and participating in it.  This may also be the reason why the wicked and corrupt people around us, not just those in the government, do not fear God.  No matter what they do, we still pray that God bless them.  

The value of the imprecatory prayers is that they not only assist us in the process of moving towards loving those who have done us wrong, but they also each us the transformative value of anger.  There is anger in the imprecatory prayers.  You cannot read them without feeling their anger.  When the psalmist prays "break the arm of the wicked" or "Bring them down" he is not speaking softly.  And this may be one reason why some Christians do not like the imprecatory prayers.  Praying the imprecatory psams requires us to live a just life.  It is hard to pray these prayers if we ourselves are practicing the very things we are praying against.

In order to appreciate the imprecatory psalms, we first need to understand who the wicked people being referred to are.  Then we need to understand the situation of the people uttering these prayers.  Psalms 52 and 10 help us to understand that the wicked are those who:

1. are a "disgrace in the eyes of God" Psalm 52 verse 1
2. "practice deceit" Psalm 52 verse 2
3. "love evil rather than good" Psalm 52 verse 3
4. "grow strong by destroying others" Psalm 53 verse 7
5. take advantage of the poor - "in arrogance the wicked hotly pursue the poor" Psalm 10 verse 2
6. are boastful - he boasts about the cravings of his heart Psalm 10 verse 3 and "He says to himself 'Nothing will shake me; I'll always be happy and never have trouble.'" Psalm 10 verse 6
7. are greedy - "he blesses the greedy and reviles the LORD" Psalm 10 verse 3
8. have no fear of God - He "curses and renounces the LORD" Psalm 10 verse 3, "In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him; all his thoughts are, "There is no God" Psalm 10 verse 4; "His ways are always prosperous" Psalm 10 verse 5
9. murder the innocent - "He lies in wait near the villages; from ambush he murders the innocent, watching in secret for his victims.  He lies in wait like a lion in cover; he lies in wait to catch the helpless; he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net.  His victims are crushed, they collapse, they fall under  his strength." Psalm 10 verses 8 - 10

Yes we are commanded to love others, especially our enemies.  But the bible also teaches us that God is just.  And so these prayers should be understood within the realm of God's justice  We can understand how people can pray such prayers when members of their own families have been murdered.

Praying the imprecatory prayers exposes the evil and violence in our midst.  Violence is very real, happening not just in war-torn areas far away but also in our own neighbourhoods.  It's just that we don't want to talk about it - or maybe we just don't care because we ourselves are OK.  

Praying the imprecatory psalms makes us one with those who suffer.  We give hope to those who are victims, and we expose the works of evil in our midst.  What we have seen in Psalms is how God's people process their anger in the presence of the Lord.  They do not regard their experiences of sadness, fear and anger as things alien to God's presence.  It is these "negative" experiences that form the very subject and core of their conversations with God.  The writers of the imprecatory psalms talk to God about how downcast they feel.  They admit to him that they constantly tremble with fear.  They admit their own struggles.  They tell God how angry they are, how they feel about what their enemies have done to them, and what they really want in their hearts to happen to these people.  

Chapter 9 - It's OK to Question God

How do we respond to words of accusation directed at God?  Is it OK to make statements like "If God is almighty and good, why didn't he intervene and save my father from dying? My father was a good and righteous man!"  How do we handle it when our angry words are words actually coming from our own heart?  Is it all right to be angry with God?  Or if the words "angry with God" are too strong for you, is it wrong to feel bad about God?  Is it OK to question him?

Whatever our situation, we can bring it to God.  We can tell him how downcast we feel and how angry we are with another person.  We can lament about ourselves and about others before God.  The question now is "Can we lament against God?"  I think this is the hardest dilemma.  When struggling with ourselves and with those we hate, we can pour out our hearts to God.  And when we are lonely and sad, we can also cry out to him.  When treated unjustly by our enemies, we can be honest with him about what we feel.  We can even pray that God punish the wicked.  But if it is God himself whom we are complaining about, where then do we go?  Do we complain to God against God?  He is already the Supreme Court of all supreme courts!

Amazingly, what we find in the bible is that people not only lamented about themselves and their enemies, they also lamented against God.  An example is Psalm 42/43.

• laments about himself: "Why are you downcast, O my soul? why so disturbed within me?" (Psalm 42 verse 5)
• laments about his enemy: "Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy ... my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, 'Where is your God?'" (Psalm 42 verses 9 and 10)
• laments to God against God: "I say to God my Rock, 'Why have you forgotten me?'" (Psalm 42 verse 9), "You are God my stronghold, Why have you rejected me?" (Psalm 43 verse 2)

What makes our God different is that even though he is the King of kings and the Lord of lords, he allows his people to express their honest questions to him.  Abraham pours out his heart to God when confronted with his continuing situation of childlessness.  Moses argues with God's decision to destroy the Israelites.  Habakkuk bangs on heaven's door with his fierce laments.  Isaiah utters some of the most difficult words in the bible.  And Jeremiah questions God's absence, as did our Lord Jesus.

 

Abraham received one of the most special of promises: God promised to give him many children.  God even told Abraham that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars in the sky and the sand on the seashore.  "If you can count these" he told Abraham, "then you can count your descendants."  God's promise was very special because during that time, the more children you had, the more blessed you were understood to be.  This may no longer be true today, of course, but for the people of Abraham's time, children brought security and the certainty of a good future.  And so Abraham must have felt really excited about this.

But Abraham waited and waited and nothing happened.  He was not getting any younger; when the promise was given, he was already 75 years old. Waiting for something whose arrival has no promised date is torture!  (Abraham had to wait 25 years from the time the promise was given before he finally had a son.  And a specific date was given only in the twenty-fourth year!)  You can imagine the frustration, the long months and years of waiting.

You may think of Abraham as one who was all-obedient and faithful.  But there were times in his life when he felt like saying, "That's it, I can't take it anymore!"  For him, having a son was everything.  Even though he had become very rich (Genesis 13 verse 2), he was not happy.  Even if he was successful and experiencing victory over his enemies, all that was nothing to him if he had no son.  That is why when God came to him one day and said "Fear not Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great" (Genesis 15 verse 1), he said to the Lord, "O LORD God, what will you give me, for I continue childless and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?" (Genesis 15 verse 2)  Abraham's question is a bold one.  It is bold because he was able to tell the Lord that he was not pleased, that he was not happy.  He seemed to be telling God, "What is a shield to me?" What are all these victories and riches to me without a son?"  

How did God take Abraham's response?  He could have rebuked him or scolded him for responding the way he did.  He could have countered "Do you know whom you're talking to?  I am the God of the universe!"  Amazingly God did not rebuke Abraham or get angry with him.  God knew and understood Abraham's struggle and frustration.  He knew that Abraham was just being honest with him about what he was going through and what he felt about the whole thing.  And God honours this kind of honesty. In fact what we see next is God, instead of getting angry, assuring Abraham that he will have a son of his own, as well as lots of descendants (Genesis 15 verses 4 and 5).  This tells us something about God's wisdom and patience.  He allows his people to express their honest feelings and thoughts even though these may contradict what he tells them and wants them to know.

After the Lord brought the Israelites out of Egypt, he made a covenant with them.  A covenant relationship is like marriage; it involves commitment and sacrifice.  God initiated this covenant, reaching out to the Israelites and saving them, inviting them to be his people.  But just as God promised to do certain things for the people, so there were also things that he required from them in order for them to be truly his.  These are what we know as the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20).  All the Israelites agreed to obey the commandments and keep the covenant (Exodus 24 verse 7).

Among the first of these commandments is to not have any other gods besides the Lord.  Unfortunately, after a short period of time the Israelites violated their commitment.  Impatient and fearful because Moses was taking too long on the mountain, they went to Aaron, Moses' brother and asked him to make them gods who would go before them.  They told Aaron, "As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don't know what has happened to him" (Exodus 32 verse 1)  Notice how they describe Moses here as the one "who brought us up out of Egypt."

Shockingly, Aaron did not hinder the people or rebuke them for thinking about making idols.  He simply followed.  Out of the gold from the people's necklaces and earrings, Aaron fashioned a golden calf.  The people shouted, "These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt" (verse 4).  Here they are saying that it's the golden calf - and not Moses - who brought them out of Egypt.

All this time, Moses was on the mountain with the Lord.  He did not know what was happening back at the Israelite camp.  But God knew, and he was angry.  He interrupted his time with Moses and told him to go down because as he said, "your people whom you brought up out of Egypt, have become corrupt" (Exodus 32 verse 7).  Notice how the Lord echoes the very words that the people had been saying about Moses.  This is a change from what God had said earlier in Exodus 20 verse 2 "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt" .  It seems like God was telling Moses "they are not my people, they are your people.  I don't want to have anything to do with them.  Anyway they are calling you as the one who brought them out of Egypt, not me."   So angry was the Lord that he told Moses, "Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them" (Exdus32 verse 10)  This reminds me of Jesus' words to Peter, though used in a different situation: "get thee behind me, Satan" (Matthew 16 verse 23)

Imagine God telling you to step aside.  Would you stand in the way of the Lord?  Yet Moses was not willing to allow God to destroy the people.  Even when the Lord gave him an attractive offer that after he destroyed the Israelites, he would make Moses into a great nation (Exodus 32 verse 10) - Moses did not step aside.  He even argued with God.  Repeating the now popular phrase, Moses said "LORD, why should your anger burn against your people, whom you brought out of Egypt with great power and a mighty hand." (Exodus 32 verse 11)  The Israelites had said earlier that it was Moses who brought them out from the land of Egypt (Exodus 32 verse 1).  Then later, they ascribed this act of deliverance to the golden calf - "these are your gods, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt" (verse 4).  In his anger, God then called the Israelites "your (referring to Moses) people, whom you brought up out of the land of Egypt" (verse 7).

The credit for freeing the Israelites has now become like a basketball, which Moses passes back to God - where he believes it should be.  But the way he does it is by quoting rom God's earlier statement in Exodus 20 verse 2 and then adding the words "with great power and a mighty hand".  By adding these words, missing in the earlier occurrences of the phrase, "who brought you up out of the land of Egypt" (verses 1, 4 and 7) Moses was telling God, "Lord it's not me and it's definitely not the golden calf; it's you.  Only you can deliver us with such power."

After "correcting" God's statement, Moses questioned the wisdom of God's action: "Why should your anger burn against your people ... Why should the Egyptians say, 'It was with evil intent that he brought them out, to kill them in the mountains and to wipe them off the face of the earth? Turn from your fierce anger; relent and do not bring disaster on your people." (Exodus 32 verses 11 and 12)  Notice that twice he asks God "Why?"  Moses was actually asking God, "what will the other people say if you destroy the Israelites?  Why should they say that you brought them out of Egypt just to destroy them in the mountains?"

And so Moses pleads "relent and do not bring disaster on your people."  In the end, he asks God to remember his covenant with their fathers (verse 13).  Amazingly, God "relented".  Verse 14 tells us that "the LORD relented and did not bring on his people the disaster he had threatened."  Wow!  Not only does God allow his people to reason with him, question him and argue with him, he even allows them to win!

The wonderful thing is that with our God we have a voice; our opinion matters.  What we feel is important to him.  This is because to God, we are special.  He does not see us as slaves but considers us his covenant partners.  Jesus tells his disciples, 2I no longer call you servants ... Instead I have called you friends" (John 15 verse 15).  Because God views us highly, he listens to us.  Go does not want followers who are only "yes" people.  The Lord does not see disciples who are only "Yes Lord, yes Lord" Christians.  He wants covenant partners who are able to express what they think and feet.

I know this is not east for many of us who have come from a culture that highly values respect for the elderly. 

The prophet Habakkuk hurled some painful laments at God.  Habakkuk could no longer bear the violence and injustices around him, and so he banged on heaven's door: "How long, O LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, 'Violence!' but you do not save?  Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and Violence are before me; there is strife and conflict abounds" (Habakkuk 1 verses 2 and 3).  Just like with Abraham, the Lord neither rebuked nor ignored Habakkuk.  Instead, the Lord answered and initiated a series of dialogues between himself and his prophet.  He told Habakkuk that he was doing something to effect the change he was asking for - he was raising up the Babylonians a his instrument to implement the change.  This change was a welcome development for Habakkuk; it was the instrument for the change that he had a big problem with.  How could God use the Babylonians, when they should be the first ones who should be destroyed?  It didn't make sense to Habakkuk, to say the least.  And so a series of laments - fiercer than the first - followed God's response.

"O LORD, you have appointed them to execute judgment ... Your eyes are too pure to look on evil; you cannot tolerate wrong.  Why then do you tolerate the treacherous?  Why are you silent while

the wicked swallow up those more righteous than themselves? (Habakkuk 1 verse 12 to 17)

God responds by telling Habakkuk that a solution will certainly come.  For the meantime, he asks Habakkuk to wait for the appointed time (Habakkuk 2 verses 2 to 4).  Habakkuk obeys; he waits and submits to God.  Finally, at the end of the book we hear Habakkuk uttering the famous words of praise and confidence:

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and th fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in th pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Saviour.  The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." (Habakkuk 3 verses 17 to 19)

What was happening here?  What had caused the change from lament to praise?  What we have here is a long process that involved the prophet's wrestling in his own heart and with his God.  He had to confront his situation and the fact that God seemed to be doing nothing.  Then he needed to open his heart to God and tell him what was really in there, just like what Abraham did.  It was only then that change occurred.

To speak of change, however, is to speak first of inner change.  As Habakkuk poured out his heart to the Lord, his ill feelings about God, reflected in his laments, find an embrace.  For the first time, Habakkuk felt that he was not alone.  He realised that what concerned him was also a matter of great importance to the Lord.  What is more, as Habakkuk, became honest with God about what he saw as God's inaction, he experienced a deeper sense of intimacy with him, one that he had never had before.  God had become to him not only a God when everything was OK; but also when things were not OK th the world and between himself and his God.

It's the same with other relationships: The more open we are with a person about what we truly feel and think, the more vulnerable we become.  But also, the more opportunity we have to be closer to the person with whom we are opening up.  This is probably one reason why the honesty of the lament psalms is not common in the prayers of Christians today.  Many just want a "casual" relationship with God, a relationship that is shallo wand empty.  But for those desiring to be deeper in God, there is no othe way than to be genuine and honest.

Unless Christians today learn to be honest before God, they will not grow deeper in their relationship with him.  Ultimately the goal of this kind prayer is intimacy with God.  Some of our questions may never find their answers on this side of eternity.

The book of Habakkuk ends without the promised deliverance.  When Habakkuk penned his famous hymn of praise, nothing about his situation had changed; but something had happened in his heart - he had become closer to God.  Unfortunately, Christians miss out on this important process that had taken place between God and his prophet, simply because we have tended to focus only on the last part of the book, ignoring the laments in the earlier parts.  I think the words of praise at the end can only be understood properly when we read them in the context of Habakkuk's earlier laments.  What we find in the prophet's experience is that not only does God allow his people to pour out their laments directly to him and not only does he respond to them but he also uses these as a way to strengthen his people's faith.  Without active engagement with God, there will not be any breakthrough in our relationship with him.  It is those closest to God who are most honest with him - those like Jeremiah, Isaiah and Jesus himself.

Jeremiah's lament to God is more direct:

"You who are the hope of Israel, its Saviour in times of distress, why are you like a stranger in the land, like a traveler who stays only a night? Why are you like a man taken by surprise, like a warrior powerless to save?  You are among us, O LORD, and we bear your name; do not forsake us!" (Jeremiah 14 verses 8 and 9)

"Why, LORD do you make us wander from your ways and harden our hearts so we do not revere you? Return for the sake of your servants, the tribes that are your inheritance." (Isaiah 3 verse 17)

The logic of this prayer goes something like this: Because of their sins, the people have experienced the judgment of God and are now suffering.  But actually, so the prayer argues, if God had not allowed, their hearts to be hardened in the first place, they would not have rebelled against him and would not have been punished.  Indeed a prayer like this is hard to understand.  But so is Jesus' own cry of abandonment.

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?" (Psalm 22 verse 2)

Jesus' prayer here is important for Christians because there will always be those who will say, "But these kinds of prayer are only in the Old Testament!"  Well, here we have a prayer that not only comes from the New Testament, it also comes from our Lord himself.  What is more, Jesus actually quotes this from the Psalms; and in doing so, he affirms the other prayers of lament in the Psalms.  In fact, some scholars believe Jesus was praying through the lament psalms during his time of suffering.  This tells us how important the psalms of lament are when we go through times of extreme difficulty.

Another important lesson we learn from Jesus' prayer is that questioning God does not mean one is no longer submitting to God.  We have to bear in mind that prior to his uttering his cry of abandonment on the cross, Jesus had already prayed, "Not my will but your will be done."  He was in total submission to his Father.  Even on the cross, he affirmed his submission and his trust in his Father when he prayed, "Into your hands I commit my spirit."  On the other hand, by praying Palm 22 verse 1, by crying out "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Jesus shows that the inverse is also true ... that submission to God does not mean we can no longer ask questions, that we can no longer question him.  We still can.  We can submit to his will and question him at the same time.  Thus, to the question "Is it OK to question God?" we say yes.

It is now important to stress that not all questions and laments directed to God are acceptable to him.  For instance, God condemned the murmurings of the Israelites in the desert.  Many of his people were actually killed as a result (Numbers 11 verses 1 to 4, 33).  God does find some questions directed to him offensive, such as those recorded in the book of Malachi.

"Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears, You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to our offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hand.  You ask "Why?"  It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant ... You have wearied the LORD with your words, "How have we wearied him?" you ask.  By saying "All who do evil are good in the eyes of the LORD, and he is pleased with them" or "Where is the God of justice?" (malachi 2 verses 13 to 17

How do we know if our questions or manner of questioning is acceptable or not?  There are really no hard and fast rules, for the line separating the highest levels of spirituality and blasphemy is filament thin.

We need to remember that this type of praying is not usual for Christians, or at least, I hope we do not pray like this all the time.  The kinds of prayer we've seen arose out of experiences of constant exposure to pain and suffering.  Second those prayers occur within the context of a growing relationship between God and believers.  Those praying are simply being honest about what they really feel about God.  They understand that in order to preserve their relationship and cause it to grow deeper, they have to be honest with the Lord.  Honest and genuineness before God is the key.  

Chapter 10 - It's OK to Fail

When Christians experience disaster or calamity, we do not know how to respond.  Similarly we do not know how to respond when a fellow believer experiences failure.  We are quick to rationalise.  We reason that God has a purpose.  Or maybe that there is something wrong with the person.  Another reason is that we are not really open to accepting defeat or failure.  We emphasise victory and success so much that we no longer want to talk about defeats or failures.  So we hide them instead.  In the church it is not OK to fail.

Some churches emphasise the positive so much that they are not willing to look at reality anymore.  There is a strong pressure to always end in a victorious, positive way.  It's sad.  Because there is no room in the church for unanswered prayers or for experiences of defeat, Christians are sometimes forced to hide or tell a lie.  We can celebrate easily; we know perfectly how to do that.  But we do not know how to mourn with those who are defeated.  In addition those who fail can themselves be quick to rationalise their experience and say "God has his own purpose."  Maybe, but that does not erase the pain that one feels as a result of failure.

I wish there was space in the church for our failures  I wish there was a place where I could be allowed to be broken, where I would not need to hide, if I failed.  I know I will never find a perfect church or community in this world and that such a place exists only in heaven.  But I also believe that the church, being the Body of Christ, is called to be such a place, or at least a reflection of such - a place where we can cry, where we do not need to hide because we have failed, a place where we are accepted even when our prayers remain unanswered.  A place where we know people can be with us not only when we are victorious, but also when we do not succeed - to listen to us, cry with us, or simply be with us in our times of sadness.  Then there will be n need to keep our prayer requests to ourselves or to be ashamed when our prayers are not answered.  there will be no need to limit our testimonies to testimonies of victories and success.  Our prayers, too, will not be limited to praise and thanksgiving; there will be space for our questions, our silences and our uncertainties as well.

Psalm 88 is one of the darkest psalms.  So dark is the psalm that it actually ends with the word "darkness" in the original Hebrew.  There is no movement to praise in Psalm 88.  Some Christians will not be comfortable with this psalm.  They want to move to praise right away.  But life is not always like that.

Some people in the church today cannot find an end to their sufferings.  They try and try, but they just cannot get up.  They cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel.  Like the writer of Psalm 88, they lament and never get to experience praise - not even a respite.  They find themselves in darkness no matter what they do.  They cry, but always, no one seems to be listening.  The church, unfortunately, is sometimes not a good place to be in when you are experiencing Psalm 88.  People there would tell you that you cannot be in darkness for a long time if you are a true believer.  That maybe there is sin within you or that you are not in the centre of God's will.

Well, maybe they're correct; some people going through dark times do have sin or issues that they need to settle before God and others.  That may be why they are experiencing darkness.  But this is not true for everyone.  At least, it wasn't true for the writer of Psalm 88.  There is nothing in the text to suggest that the psalmist was being punished for his sin.  The fact is that some believers will go through times of darkness in their lives, times when they will feel alone, rejected by their friends and even by God himself. 

Psalm 88 verse 4 "I am like a man without strength"  The word "man" in Hebrew can also be translated "strong man".  This guy is supposed to be a strong man and yet he acknowledges that he feels so weak.  He is supposed to be victorious and strong but he admits, "I do not have the strength."

Maybe you feel like that right now.  Maybe you have just gone through a terrible failure and you feel like your whole life is a mess.  You feel like a disposable cup, used up a hundred times.  The comforting thing about this dark psalm is that, at lease, the psalmist can cry.  The mere fact that he is crying out to God means he still believes there is Someone listening to him even though he also feels that that Someone has let him down  Here the hope lies not in the answer but in the question.  In the midst of all his pain and suffering the psalmist shouts, "But I cry to you."

In other psalms, the word "But" at the beginning of statements often signals a change to some form of resolution or thanksgiving or a declaration of trust (Psalm 55 verse 23; Psalm 13 verse 5 "But I trust in you").  Here in Psalm 88 there is no such change to praise or resolution.  But I think this psalm is actually a statement of trust.  In times of darkness, the equivalent of "But I trust in you" is "But I cry to you."  Even when we no longer have the strength to carry on, we can at least cry to someone.  You too can cry.  While it is tue that we draw strength on our journey from God's answers and encouragement, we also know of times when we draw our strength from our very weakness

Many of us feel weak.  when you look at people in the church, many of them look OK.  But deep inside, many are struggling with broken lives.  A successful person in the church may appear to have it all together in the eyes of others.  Many may not be aware, however, of how much this person struggles, even with just how to live another day - what he or she may see as another day of pain, defeat; each day seemingly a lie.

You look at certain people and they look OK.  But look at their marriage; all damaged, with the commitment to stay together being the only thing that's left.  You look at people with certain jobs and you envy them, wishing you were like them - clever, smart, sociable, gifted.  But you do not know how insecure they are deep within - the insecurity may be the reason why they keep trying to stay on top, for that may be the only thing that gives them a reason to live.  Take that away from them, and what's left would be emptiness like that of a deep well with no water.

The last thing we need is another sermon telling us that everything will be OK if only we will believe, if only our faith is strong.  The last thing we need is for someone to tell us that everything will be OK.  What we do need is the assurance that what we are experiencing is not abnormal, that we are not beyond the bounds of God's gracious care.  That even our defeats still find a place in God's sovereign and gracious care.  This assurance is important especially during the times when our churches conduct themselves in a triumphalist manner.  This can be seen in our sermons - we seldom hear sermons on lament, if we even get to hear them in church at all.  Unfortunately many of those who do teach lament end up highlighting only one side, the element of praise, by always stressing the need to end on a positive note.

Many scholars tend to read the lament psalms through the lens of the lament-to-praise movement.  So strong is this view that some scholars will even go to the extent of changing the text, so that it will read more positively.

For instance: Psalm 9/10 actually moves from thanksgiving to lament.  In Hebrew, Psalm 9/10 is a single psalm, composed using the Hebrew acrostic.  Verses 1 and 2 of Psalm 9 begin with the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet, verse 3 with the next Hebrew letter and so on until we reach the end of Psalm 10, which begins with the last letter of the Hebrew alphabet.

The first half of the psalm (Psalm 9) is mostly thanksgiving.  In the middle of the psalm, the mood suddenly changes to lament.  How can thanksgiving turn to lament?

Believers of old knew that life is not monolithic; it does not consist of only one form.  As they knew from experience, the life of faith can turn from praise to lament.  The writers were willing to struggle with God with their questions, pour out their hearts to him and even storm heaven with their "Whys?"  But equally helpful, I think, is their particular view of life - it is a view that allows for experiences of defeat.  Even though the writers continually asked God why they were facing defeat and so on, they at least recognised thir experiences for what they were.  In their language of faith, the writers had a category called defeat or failure, and it was this that enabled them to recognise what they were going through when they came to God.

The believers of old were also more open to experiences of ambiguity and uncertainty, as reflected in another lament pslam, Psalm 12.  This psalm begins with lament, with the writer crying out to God for help because "the godly are no more" (verse 1).  In the middle of this cry for help, God responds in the most direct way possible.  God speaks, "I will now arise" (verse 5).  The psalmist couldn't have asked for more - God had already spoken.

How we wish that in our prayers, we would also hear the Lord speaking directly to us.  Notice how in the next verses, there is a change to a confident mood: "And the words of the LORD are flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay, purified seven times.  O LORD, you will keep us safe and protect us from such people forever" (verses  and 7).  Psalm 12 could have ended on a high note with verse 7 "O LORD, you will keep us safe and protect us from such people forever."  But no, the psalm ends with the following words "On every side the wicked prowl, as vileness is exalted among the children of man" (verse 8).  Even if some scholars do not like the ending, I think what makes this psalm attractive even though it is anticlimactic is that we can actually see our lived realities in it.

The reality is that things do not always turn out as we expect.  Even when we have already received assurance that our prayers will be answered, ambiguity remains.  We think we have everything covered.  We have prayed hard.  We have felt God's presence.  we know we are precisely in the place where God want us to be.  And yet, like the writer of Psalm 12, we find ourselves confronted with the same problems or even more challenging situations.  Our circumstances are not different from those of the believers of old.

The question is: Are we willing to accept that?  Again, some may say, "Well, that's in the Old Testament.  With the coming of Jesus, there is no more defeat.  Christ suffered so we might have a victorious life."  But actually if we look at the New Testament, particularly Romans 7, we encounter the same perspective on the life of faith - one that accommodates experiences of struggle and defeat even in the Christian life, this time on moral grounds.

In Romans 7 Paul confesses: "So I find this law at work; When I want to do good, evil is right there with me  For in my inner being I delight in God's law, but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members." (Romans 7 verses 21 to 23)  Paul is dealing with the subject of the Christian life.  He is talking about his own experience - which is ongoing - or that he at least includes himself in the experience he is talking about.  Paul also goes on to speak of the Christian life as one of "no more condemnation" (Romans 8 verse 1).  But the latter does not alter the reality presented in Romans 7.

The image of a "prisoner" in verse 23 speaks powerfully of a defeat: " ... making me a prisoner of the law of sin ..."  This situation leads Paul to utter a cry of lament similar to that of Psalm 12: "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me fro mtheis body of death?" (Romans 7 vrse 24).  Like in Psalm 12, we also find a movement o praise in the next verse: "Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7 verse 25).  But then, also like Psalm 12, Romans 7  ends with the sober reality of the continuing presence of struggle and defeat in the life of the Christian:"So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin" (Romans 7 verse 25).  While Paul acknowledges that he is a slave of God, he also acknowledges that he is a slave to the law of sin.

It is clear that christians still do experience defeat.  Becoming a Christian does not mean a complete release from all struggle and defeat.

"Paul can and does readily conceive of believers being frequently defeated (verse 23) in the continuous sequence of moral choices which confront them (chapter  verses 12 to 23)." James Dunn

In saying this, we are not giving excuses for moral lapses, we are only acknowledging that defeat is still a part of the life of faith.  The encouraging thing is that as we accept our realities of defeat in the light of God's mercy and grace, we are changed.

In this world we can never cross the bridge and come to a side where everything will be OK, where there will be no defeat.  But at least we can cross the bridge as a different person, more open to change, moe open to pain, because we have learned to share our pain and defeats with God and with others.

Chapter 11 - Conclusion

Lament cannot solve all our problems.  But it can create the needed space where we can deal with our sufferings.

The lament, however is not just a coping tool.  It can become a means of growing in our intimacy with God.  By beign open to God about our own brokenness and about the real condition of our hearts, we place ouselves in his loving embrace.  We no longer have to hide our pain; we can actually bring it to the Lord.  We don't have to be afraid of getting rejected for our failures; we are aleady accepted, loved and cherished as we are.  Ther is room for our questions, struggles, pain and failures.

Some may consider lamenting a sign of weak faith.  But actually, it is an act of faith.  we lament because we believe there is someone listening.  In the lament, we encounter a God who cannot be swayed by our pious talk and unreal assumptions.  He is a God who can be touched by a broken soul, a soul that is real and not covering up, a soul that simply says, "O God, darkness is my only companion."

Are you wounded?  Do you feel tired?  Do you feel empty?  Do you feel excluded because you are suffering?  Do you feel as if you are the only person who is lonely and sad in the world?  Do you feel like crying this very moment?

Someone is listening.  Someone can feel what you feel.  Someone understands.  You do not have to express your praise or words of trust when you feel like shouting or blaming someone.  You do not have to force yourself to be OK if you are not.  It's OK to be not OK.